“But what if it feels good?” That’s what I ask every woman who’s ever given me a reason (or twenty) not to try anal masturbation. Because, let’s face it, pleasure is a prime motivator, and it is often the only thing that will push us past our fears into something new and exciting. And when it comes to anal play, there will always be plenty of reasons not to, thanks to a culture that has historically viewed genital anatomy as dirty, and anal play as taboo sexual behavior. Even when anal play is celebrated, it’s often with male pleasure in mind—the lure of the prostate, the excitement of male penetration—so that women are often left wondering it there’s anything in it for them. And the answer is a resounding yes.

The anus is full of sensitive nerve endings which feel great when stimulated. And just as women enjoy the feeling of fullness in their vaginas, so too can they experience this sensation anally, whether it’s delivered by a finger, toy, or a partner’s penis. The wall between the vagina and the anus is thin and sensitive, so a butt plug, especially when used in conjunction with a dildo for double penetration, can offer amazing G Spot stimulation.

Anal masturbation is a pre-requisite to enjoying anal penetration by a partner. Unfortunately, some women have had bad anal sex experiences, usually the result of insensitive partners who think they’ll just “slip in through the back door” without first informing their partners. Good anal sex requires both partners’ willing participation, a high degree of arousal, good communication skills, and lots of lubrication. Anal masturbation will teach you why and how these skills come in to play, so you’ll be better able to enjoy anal penetration with your lover later on. Anal intercourse is an incredibly intimate act, capable of sparking a whole new level of emotional excitement in your relationship.

Most women new to anal play harbor some basic reservations about cleanliness and perceived discomfort. At first, you might be understandably squeamish about poking around the same orifice you use to go to the bathroom. Fear of coming into contact with feces and worrying about having to defecate are very real concerns. Bathe first, or try this activity in the shower. The warm water is very relaxing and it’ll keep you clean at the same time. Bear in mind that since feces only travels through the rectum on the way out of the body, you’re only likely to encounter a small amount of feces. If you want to avoid even that much contact, use a lubed up latex glove, or just insert your toy (and not your fingers). Finally, if you have a bowel movement before you begin, that helps alleviate the fear of losing control of your bowels during anal play.

A lot of women also equate anal sex with pain (probably thanks to botched anal intercourse attempts), which discourages them from trying it. So let me be clear: anal sex should not be painful. If you’re experiencing pain, you or your partner are doing something wrong, and you should stop. People tend to feel pain for two main reasons: there’s not enough lubrication or entrance into the anus is forced (rather than welcomed). If you’re sufficiently turned on, you’re relaxed and in control of the activity, and have plenty of lubrication on hand, you shouldn’t experience any pain. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own lubrication, so it’s essential to keep your toy and your anus well-lubed during play.

For more on this topic, please read Anne's "Enjoying Anal Masturbation: A How To"