Women have voiced a growing concern that their male lovers report that they don't 'feel enough' during intercourse, or that they themselves don't 'feel tight enough'. Women are starting to worry that this is a consequence of the size of their vaginas. Unlike the penis, the vagina is not under the scrutiny of its owner several times a day at the urinal. Without this regular view the average woman has little idea of what the proportions of her vagina actually are. There are, in fact, many possible reasons to account for the lack of sensation men are experiencing, such as an increase in the use of condoms - numbing the natural sensation, greater use of anti-depressants that delay ejaculation, and more sexually aggressive women (giving men less control in the sexual act). But, not uncommonly, women are taking the blame on themselves. The truth is that most women are not loose -- especially if they have never had children. Vaginas come in many shapes and sizes, ranging between 3 - 5 inches in length. The vagina is not a "hole" but, instead, a "potential space".

It is the tone of the PC (pubococcygeal) muscles surrounding it that account for the "size". Tone = Control. Control allows women to contract at the right time, and in the right way, permitting her to determine what she and her partner feel during intercourse.

This type of control can be achieved fairly easily through the "Kegel" exercises -- an enjoyable activity of routinely contracting the pelvic floor muscles (which one uses to stop the flow of urine).

When size has changed:

A slight change in size has indeed been associated with significant weight loss or gain, with dramatic hormonal changes, or with surgery. But, more often it is the passing of a 6lb object through the birth-canal that expands the walls of the vagina and causes some women (and their lovers) to experience a loose feeling during intercourse. While most vaginas bounce right back to their original state within a few months, some need many hours of Kegels to get their tone back. In some cases even with months of Kegel-exercises under their belt, some women complain that nothing seems to work to get them back to normal.

Beware quick fixes

Surgery has grown in America as a popular way of giving women the "tightness" they seek. Clinics and surgeons are capitalizing on women's insecurity by trying to convince them that they cannot satisfy their partners without this "tightness". (This is uncomfortably comparable to the infibulation practices in Africa -- the sewing up of vaginas and vulvas, often to the size of a pea, to allow men to have more pleasure.) In very few cases is surgery truly necessary. Surgery should be the absolute last resort in the most extreme cases, as it can cause all sorts of complications (infection, chronic pain, scar-tissue, etc.). It may make the vagina tighter, but that is about all it does. The PC muscles, however, need to be strong all our lives, to support our pelvis, to make sure that we are able to hold our urine (who really wants to wear a diaper later in life?), to control sexual feeling, and to be able to experience intense orgasms. Surgery helps with none of those -- performing the Kegels correctly, does. Get a second opinion. Beware: Stay away from creams that claim to tighten your vagina -- they don't work, and can cause serious side effects.

When your Kegels don't work

Before rushing off to get your vagina cut and stitched, consider your options. The most common reason Kegels may not be working is that they are simply not being done correctly.

1. Monitor your progress?
A quick and easy way to tell whether your Kegels are working is with a handy tool, called the Perineometer. Slide it into the vagina and squeeze. It will tell you just how strong your muscles are. More importantly, it will tell you how you are progressing, as the weeks go by.

2. Check to see if you are doing the right type of Kegel for you.
If your goal is to feel more (and have your partner feel more) during intercourse, make sure you practice with something inside the vagina. Practicing without anything inside may give you performance anxiety when you finally try to use them in the presence of a penis. (And using an object for resistance can speed up the process). Ideal objects for practicing are:

· Vaginal Barbells - Top quality weights for the vagina, the Kegelcisor gives the PC muscles a great little work-out. · Spring Loaded - the newest addition to our PC work-out tools is the Kegel Exerciser, which adds resistance with springs - in a less expensive way. ·Ben Wa balls- Two little weighted balls that you must keep inside while you go about your daily activities. It's harder than you think. · Or, simply incorporate your Kegels into your sex-play with the actual penis.

Myth: A lot of sex will increase the size of your vagina. The walls of the vagina are elastic and can stretch to accommodate a baby's head without any damage. Even the largest penis wouldn't come close to reaching these proportions.

And finally, before leaping to conclusions about the size of your vagina, keep in mind that there are different sizes and shapes of penises too. Like a lock and key, some combinations do work better than others. One person's "ideal" vagina is somebody else's "too loose" one.

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Sssh would like to thank Dr. Petra Zebroff from Libida.Com for the use of this article.

Anne Semans is the co-author of The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex copyright 2003. Anne Semans