Ever considered bringing someone to a higher state of arousal through your impressive, obscene verbal skills? Unaccustomed as most of us are to hearing and using sexually explicit language, using it with your partner can lend an intense charge to a sexual encounter. And it lends itself well to different locales—you can unexpectedly set someone’s pulse racing in a public place or during the middle of the workday (one individual likes to leave nasty messages on his girlfriend’s voice mail).

How to Get Started

• Make a list. Most folks are intrigued by the idea of explicit sex talk, but don’t know how to begin. Start with writing your own list of dirty words. If you need a little help developing a sexual vocabulary, track down a book  like The Dictionary of Sexual Slang or How to Talk Sexy to the One You Love.

• Figure out what you like. Read a variety of erotic material, from the explicit to the euphemistic. Watch an X-rated movie, paying special attention to the dialogue you find arousing. Take a look at which words hold a special sexual charge for you.

• Find out what your partner likes. Similarly, read and watch erotica with a partner to discover which words are a turn-on for him or her. You may find that you each respond better to one type of language over another. For example, “I crave the feel of your sweet lips on my ripe, juicy peach” might stir your lust more than “Suck on my pussy until I explode” or vice versa. You may find you respond particularly well to certain words or phrases, or just to certain styles.

• Talk to yourself first. If you’re suffering from a bit of performance anxiety or are fearful you won’t be taken seriously, practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror or while puttering around the house—just make sure no one’s home!

• Practice while you’re masturbating. If you usually moan, try substituting words as you get excited or voicing the fantasy you’re having.
  
• Practice on the phone. Phone sex can be a good place to start; you may be emboldened by the anonymity or the distance between you.

• Practice with email. Try tapping out some of your sexy sentiments on the keyboard and emailing them to your sweetie. It may feel odd at first, but you might soon discover a penchant for cybersex, which is a great way to learn dirty talk.
  
  

  What To Say?

  If you’re struggling with your script or subject matter, relax. You don’t have to memorize the text of a pornographic bestseller, you’ve got plenty of material inside your brain.

  • Mine your past. You can describe a past sexual encounter, relaying in detail all the aspects of it that turned you on.
    
  • Mine the movies. Sexy mainstream flicks and adult video provide some great fantasy material. Think back to a scene that excited you and describe it, from the foreplay to the main event.
    
  • Go for the play by play. If you’re having sex with your partner, try relaying the sexual activity you’re engaging in at the moment. Describe what you see, how you feel, what you think your partner is feeling, and what you're fantasizing about.
    
  • Be imaginative. Give your partner a verbal list of the many ways you'd like to be made love to or elaborate on what you’d like to do to her or him. Fantasies and erotic dreams lend themselves well to storytelling, you can have your partner ask you specific questions to draw out the details. Or make a game out of it by taking turns making up parts of the story.

  
  Keep in mind that your language doesn’t have to be explicit to be erotic—role-playing can present you with new options for communicating sexually to a partner. You may find that just hearing your partner speak to you in the commanding voice of a drill sergeant is enough to turn you on.

  There’s no wrong way to talk dirty! If your partner doesn’t enjoy the activity as much as you do, perhaps you don’t share the same turn-on around certain stories, words or themes. You may talk yourself into a frenzy of desire when the subject is dominance, whereas your partner’s preference might be for sex with a science-fiction twist. Take turns indulging each other, and you should both be happy. Have fun!