Dear Ask A Man,

My boyfriend is very mad at me because he found a website that I had put up some pictures of me from the waist up and posted a message on the message board asking if any males were interested in having a threesome with me and my boyfriend who by the way was the one who brought up the idea of having a threesome. He doesn't want to see me because he's upset and says he cannot trust me anymore. I have not cheated on him or even tried to cheat but he doesn't believe me. I think he is over reacting. Is he right to be so upset and if so what can I do? ~ Not Guilty!



Dear Not Guilty,

Guys are funny, we say that we want something but when it comes to getting it, that's another story. Threesomes are a very tricky thing, a guy has to be very comfortable with himself and not have any insecurities at all. The thought of another man pleasing the woman in our life, can spin us into a jealous rage in a second. I would sit down and talk to him about it, it doesn't sound like even if he agreed to a threesome that he could handle it when it happened. Take down the ad if you already haven't done so. Be honest with your lover, it's always the best thing to do. If I found a website like that, and I didn't know about it, I would have probably done the same thing.
Craig, 20 Something...

Well There Not Guilty,

Opening up a relationship to something like a threesome is something that takes a lot of trust and all of the "rules" of how it is going to work need to be talked out well before jumping into anything. My first question to you would be, did you tell him that you were going to post pictures of yourself on the web? Also, are you sure that he wanted the third person in this to be a man? If you answer no to one or both of these then he has reason not to trust you and feel like you may be doing other things behind his back, even if you're not. If you did talk all this all out with him then I would say that he should be careful what he wishes for, it might be more then he can handle when he gets it.
Scott, 30 Something...


Hi,

Well, not to scold you, but you probably should have consulted with him about the idea before doing it! Put yourself in his shoes when he stumbled across his gal's breasts on the web offering a threesome with her and her boyfriend! Aside from that, the ideal "threesome" for most men is himself with two women. The thought of being in bed with another man is generally pretty far out for most guys and pushes a lot of jealousy and homophobia buttons. My advice would be to immediately take down the website posting with him watching you do it. Apologize sincerely. Then, let the dust settle for a while. And then, once things (hopefully) are blissful once again, jokingly offer as "payback" for that little stunt, to set up a threesome with another woman. That might get a better response <smile>.
Jack, 40 Something...

Hi,

He has a right to be upset and what made you think the 3rd party was male? Most men would love to have a threesome, with 2 girls. You probably, over breakfast, should've asked him for clarification and if this is really something he wanted and NOT drawn your own conclusions and acted on them. Big mistake. Take down the web page and talk to him.
Alfred, 50 Something...


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