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| Dear Ask A Man, I usually go out to bars with my sister because I hate going out alone. However, I usually end up leaving upset and frustrated. She will be standing right next to me and get asked to dance every time. I have even asked a few guys to dance, who after refusing,would later come over and ask her to dance. She is now happily married, but nothing has changed. She has noticed this, and we have tried everything from different clothes to putting on make-up (which I don't normally wear), and trying different places, but with no results. Many of my male friends tell me I am cute and not bad looking, and while I do have a few extra pounds, but I'm not fat. Please help me. ~ Alone in Texas |
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Dear Alone, It sounds like the bar scene isn't for you. You don't want those types of guys hitting on you. It's obvious that they have a pre-conceived idea of what a "sexy woman" is and being that shallow isn't something you need to deal with. Don't compare yourself to your sister. Be your own person and if that means not having guys come up to you at a bar, then so be it. You can find happiness, you just have to look for it. Don't settle! |
Hi and thanks for writing, Stop trying to figure out what is wrong with you, and instead look to what might be right about your sister. What is it about her that men are attracted to? Is it that she just seems more confident then you are when she is talking to men at bars? If a guy is checking her out, does she make eye contact or look shyly away? What kinds of things does she talk to them about? Confidence is a real turn-on to many men, and can sometimes count more than looks, clothing or make-up combined. But you also say they come to ask your sister to dance after refusing you Keep in mind that sometimes men like to be the ones who make the first move. Scott, 30 Something... |
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Hello Alone, I'm a bit old to remember back to my dating days, but I'll give it a shot. I think the thing that attracted me to a women was presence. If she looked self assured and confident, I wanted to approach her. Instead of changing what you wear, try changing your attitude. Don't be shy, walk into the bar and say to yourself, "I'm not looking for anyone, I don't care if someone asks me to dance or not. I'm here to have fun for me!" Alfred, 50 Something... |
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