Dear Ask A Man,

I'm a 23 year old female who is in a male dominated work environment, Emergency Medical Services....My question for you is this, I am what would be considered a full figured woman, but I am a very strong woman at that...Is a strong, independent, self sufficient woman a turn off or turn on? I seem to be getting the impression is a turn off. I'm very pleasant to get along with and love to laugh and although I will have a man talk to me for awhile he seems to go away once he learns how well I am doing for myself....what is the problem? I'm single, never been married and have no children...I joke and say I thought I would be prime real estate! Thanks ~ Kara Va. Beach VA.



Dear Kara,

Guys are still just cavemen under all the political correctness. We want to feel like without us, women would be helpless. We need women to be our damsels in distress. Try being a little submissive, without sacrificing your personality of course, let a guy be a little in control. We don't want control because we think less of women, we just need to feel like when it's all said and done, we are your superman!
Craig, 20 Something...

Hi Kara,

For me, I find a strong, independent woman to be sexy; but I would not necessarily want to hear a woman carry on about how strong and independent she is, or how well she's doing for herself. Your letter gives me the impression that, like so many people that work in Emergency Services, you define yourself by what you do for a living, and may even talk a bit too much about work when you're socializing. If this is the case, remember that in the end it's just a job, and not everyone wants to talk about work at the end of the day. Try talking less about work and yourself and try to show some interest in the new people you meet.
Scott, 30 Something...


Lots of issues here, Kara!

Let's look at each of them:

1. "Full figured woman": As opposed to the portrayal of "ideal looks" in the women's magazines, about half of the men I know really enjoy full figured women. I have no idea what the psychology of this distinction might be, but it is true. About half the men in our culture seek women with a bit of physical presence. So, no worries here!

2. "Strong, independent, self-sufficient woman": My question for you here is does that result in you becoming the dominant partner in the relationship? I have several good female friends that struggled for YEARS to find a mate that would not crumble under "the strong woman's grip". If that is your personality type, there is very little you can do to change it without becoming miserable. My advice is to just keep "playing the field" until you find a man that enjoys your intelligence, sense of humor and strength as a person, but has the strength himself not to feel like he is being blindsided and usurped when you have a strong opinion on something. I don't think this has much to do with how successful you are in your career, but is more of a "power dynamic" issue. Make sense? Keep looking!
Jack, 40 Something...

Hello Kara,

Maybe you just haven't found the right man yet. You will, when you least expect it. You are still very young. Don't rush things. Many men like strong women.
Alfred, 50 Something...


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