Dear Ask a Man,

I have met someone else thru work who has become a really good friend only but I want more from him. He has said that he wont be that way with me while I am married. I totally respect him for that but I cant stop thinking about him and wanting to be with him. I know I have some choices to make but I thought another mans view would be helpful? ~ Name Withheld by Request



Hi,

I think I'll just reinforce what I know your already thinking. You have a very tough decision ahead of you, but it's one you'll need to make for the betterment of the three parties involved. You have three distinct and realistic options, that all have pros and cons that only you can ultimately weigh.

1) Divorce your husband and pursue a new life. There is nothing wrong with this, as you must think of number one at all times. If you don't, you run the risk of eventually coming to resent your husband and leading a very disgruntled life together anyway

2) Talk about the possibility of an open relationship with your husband, and then talk to the new person from work about it as well as ask their thoughts on the subject (assuming your close enough to be able to talk about these things)

3) Stop seeing the new man. If you really do not want to leave your husband or believe it might just be lust as opposed to real feelings, you must stop seeing that person for a while. As long as it takes for you to feel comfortable with the fact that it was just lust, or if it was true feelings worth divorcing your husband over.
Simon, 20 Something...

Hello,

First you must look at your own marriage and figure out are you just fantasying about this man or wanting to really take the next step. If it is the next step you are wanting there is a problem with your own marriage and that needs to be addressed. You should respect your friends smart decission. If you don't you are likely to lose him as a friend and possibly destroy your marriage at the same time.
Scott, 30 Something...


Well, the first question: are you ready to cheat on your husband to have sex with this guy? As you probably know, the ramifications can be massive. But, after you have thought this through and are comfortable with it (I would go so far as to engage your husband in the topic of "open relationships"), go for it. As for your romantic interest, just be honest with him about your situation and interest in him. These things have a way of working themselves out in the long run, so just relax, be honest, and see what comes out of it.
Jack, 40 Something...

The grass is NEVER greener on the other size, it's just a different shade of green. You want this man, because you can't have him. I bet you that there is a 90% chance that if you leave your husband, sleep with the other man, your relationship won't last for more then 3 months. As soon as the fantasy wears off and real life take over, your going to be in for a shock.
Alfred, 50 Something...


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