Dear Ask a Man,

I’m married to this man for 24 years, the only man I have ever had sex with. Found out he was unfaithful. Forgiving as I am I tried everything to put this behind me but when I finally wanted to see what all the excitement was about I first took a girl to bed. Then had a threesome. Done that one more time and finally shared her with my husband. He liked it too much but I controlled it all so he hardly got any attention at all. My curiosity is gone now over women but I still would love to try a couple more men. He knows I love him, I am still mad and I can see how easy it is to fool around now. Not sure if I should go back to the Miss Perfect church going lady again or have just a little more fun until it is out of my system. ~ unfaithful from Chili



Hi,

The simple answer to this is that two wrongs don't make a right. Honesty really is crucial in a marriage. And more importantly, if you think you should just have a little more fun until it's out of your system, I fear you may be on a slippery slope that many other people have gone down too far, just as an alcoholic thinks they can get away with just a little more.
 
You need to be honest and open the lines of communication. And try and find that happy middle-ground. You need to do what you need to do to find fulfillment in this life. If you very much need to experience other men, then you need to find out if you need to separate from your husband, or if he is happy with both of you experimenting outside of your marital bedroom. Remember though, that if he is willing to let you experience other things, then you need to be comfortable with doing the same for him. Another option is simply bringing a third into the bedroom and make it an experience you can both share.
Simon, 20 Something...

Hello,

This is something you and your husband must discuss and decide for yourselves. This might be a lifestyle change you both want or a fantasy you just needed to experiment once. Only the two of you can determine that.
Scott, 30 Something...


This really sounds like a pretty serious issue that needs communication. My suggestions are:
1. Have a talk with him, being very honest and see if you can break some ground on the topic. If not;
2. Have a chat with him with a marriage counselor.
Jack, 40 Something...

I think if you love your husband and want your marriage to work, you probably need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. What he did was wrong, but your just adding fuel to the fire.
Alfred, 50 Something...


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