Dear Ask A Man,
I've been going with this guy for awhile. In the past he always use to tell me I was pretty and how smart I am, stuff like that. But for the last few months, nothing! He doesn't notice my new haircut, or a new dress. Even when I ask him, "how do I look". He'll just say fine, and won't even look at me. Is this normal once the courtship is over or has someone else caught his eye?
Submitted by K.S. from VA



Dear K.S.,

It sounds like he is happy and comfortable in the relationship. I am not saying this is right but that’s what it seems. Try spicing things up by greeting him at the door in a sexy negligee or making reservations to your favorite restaurant. If you feel like you want to discuss it, don't make it seem like there is a problem. Instead tell him you want to spice up the relationship in a fun way. This will make him open to the idea instead of feeling backed into a corner. This is a normal thing in a relationship and is easily fixed. Positive communication will be the key to your success.
Craig, 20 Something...

Hi,

Once we've got you, its over. Well, the way our mind works, that is what it looks like to other people. In reality, we don't understand why women believe that if we don't say something, that we don't still have the same feelings. Its been said, we just don't say it over and over to reinforce it. Sad, but, that's the way guys are. We always know we should say things, but the moment passes, we promise ourselves that we'll catch it next time. Time passes and the distance between complements grows. We suck at maintaining long term relationships.
Mark, 30 Something...


Hi K.S.,

Sorry to say it, but, indeed, the dew is off the lily after the first wave of passion in a new relationship subsides. In probably the vast majority of relationships, men will tend to do whatever courtship behaviors are needed to secure the relationship. Once it is secured, the natural thing to do is pay attention to other "hunter gatherer" activities (work, sports, etc.). The good news is, however, is that most men enjoy seeing their partners try new things on their own and this often provides a "bridge" to keep things fresh. So, rather than rely on a new haircut or dress to maintain his attention, start law school! Get a new hobby that has interesting things for him to look at what you've done! Start a couple's poker or bridge night (always a great way to infuse some fresh energy into a relationship - think of all the stuff you can gossip about once the other couples go home!).
Jack, 40 Something...


Hi,

I think it's normal after a time it's like your repeating yourself and that gets boring for everyone.
Sssh Guest Panelist David, 40 Something...

Hello,

He's bored. It doesn't mean he's found someone else but, at this point, what you see is what you'll get. Do you want to continue being treated like this?.
Alfred, 50 Something...




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