College was the freedom I was searching for all through high school.  I met a guy named Dan right away.  I loved going to parties with him.  I met all kinds of fun people.  I also met my new best friend Erin.  Erin was much prettier than me.  All the guys loved her.  I found out after a few weeks, that she did not love them.  Erin was a lesbian.  I didn’t care.  She was fun to be with.  She gave me a lot of confidence because she showed me how to make myself look good and how to sound interesting.  Erin and I became inseparable.

After a couple of months, Dan started getting on my nerves.  He was totally unreliable.  I got sick of him cancelling on me and lying to me, so we broke up.  I still went to all of the parties and dated all sorts of guys.  I felt like a slut, but Erin told me that this was my time to explore.  There was no judgment from her.  I could tell her anything.  She was always there for me.

During my sophomore year, Erin and I became roommates.  Our social lives flourished.  My feelings for Erin started to change.  Like all girls, we changed in front of each other.  At first when I looked at her amazing body, I just wished that mine was more like hers.  I joked with her saying that she was so hot that if I ever went the other way, it would be with her.  But inside, I wondered what it would be like.  I liked guys, so I didn’t think I was gay.  Kissing a girl seemed okay, playing with boobs could be fun, but I couldn’t fathom going down on a girl.  But I was dreaming about her sometimes.  I wouldn’t mind testing things out, but it was too much to risk to loose her as a friend.

Then it happened.  I was bummed out over a guy named Nick.  We stayed in that night and drank wine.  I started talking about how much guys sucked, saying that I thought maybe she had the right idea.  She suggested I give it a try to see what it was like.  After all, we concurred, it was my time of exploration.  We drank more.  I talked about all of the concerns/fears that I had.  She told me to just relax and let her try some things to see what I thought.  First she kissed me.  I was surprised how turned on I actually became.  I couldn’t figure out if it was because this was some new, or if I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to.  I kissed her back.  It felt just like kissing a guy, but softer.  Her skin was softer.  Everything felt so smooth.  When she touched my breasts I started to laugh a little out of nervousness.  I told her I was just nervous.  “It’s just me”, she said as she smiled.  Once I started to relax, I got more and more excited.  I wanted to put my mouth on her gorgeous breasts after I touched them, so I told her.  “Please do”, she moaned.  I kissed her just about everywhere, but I couldn’t bring myself to go “there”.  Every time I thought of it, I started to tense. 

I laid back a bit to try to calm myself.  She had all of my clothes off.  She kissed me and touched me in ways that no man ever could.  I came from the mere massage of her hand on my clit.  I wanted to repay her, so I copied her moves.  She told me to put my fingers inside her.  When I did, she writhed on my hand.  I felt incredibly powerful when I mad her come, but I couldn’t believe what I just did.

We had sex one way or another everyday.  I think I became addicted to it.  We had already said that we loved each other as friends, so saying it really felt normal.  Of course I loved her, she changed my life.  I also loved having sex with her.  Months seemed to stack.  She asked me if I was in love with her.  I told her, “of course”.  I didn’t know what else to say.  I wasn’t even sure if I knew what being in love meant.  And then Dan came back into the picture.

I had seen him on campus.  I had talked with him at parties.  He often asked how the “cross-over” was going with a huge smile.  He seemed like he was getting cuter, stronger, and funnier.  I missed him.  We started to hangout as friends.  He asked me out for Cinco-de-maio.  We went to a party.  We hooked up.  What was I going to say to Erin?  For once, I did not think she would understand.

We talked/fought all day the next day.  She told me that I was never gay as she sobbed.  She said I was just pissed at guys and wanted an out.  She felt used and pissed, but said we would always be friends.  She did not want to room again next year.  Dan and I got closer, and Erin and I eventually grew apart.  I suppose I was only gay until May!