Your Own Attitude
Even though menstruation is a universal human experience, each individual woman’s experience varies. Some of us get cramps, some don’t; some of us experience a great deal of emotional change such as irritability or moodiness, some don’t. The hormonal changes that occur can also be affected as we age or depending on our use of medications (including birth control), diet, exercise and levels of stress. Some women get food cravings (salty foods, carbs and chocolate are the top choices), some get headaches (this has plagued me in recent years), some get puffy and bloated. And some get very, very horny.

The difficulty can be when you want to have sex at this time but you or your man are grossed out by the idea. Easy to say “get over it!” but it may take a bit of soul-searching to find out why the idea disgusts you. It can be messy, certainly, but hey, so is sex at any time! Blood is a substance that many of us have an unexplainable emotional or psychological reaction to–some people literally faint at the sight of it. But if we keep in mind that menstrual blood does not derive from a wound, it is simply part of being a healthy woman, and is no more “dirty” than any of the other fluids excreted by our bodies, we can perhaps become more open-minded about this.

Some women are comfortable with having sex during their periods if they’ve been with their man for a while; because they trust him not to be judgmental, and feel comfortable with anything potentially awkward that might happen. Sex during your period with a more casual partner or a new one may cause us to hesitate; what if he thinks we’re a horny skank who would do it anytime, anywhere? (Of course some men might really like this.) This idea that a woman who would have sex during her period would do, well, anything, is kind of silly. All it means is you’re comfortable with your body and your sexuality, and expect men to be as well. If he can’t handle it, do you want him in your life? But if you want to keep him around for a sexual toy or “friend with benefits” your decision to forgo sex during menstruation will certainly delay any unwelcome issues of intimacy from rearing their heads. Then again, he may be turned on by your being a woman who takes everything in stride, including not letting your period get in the way of having great sex!

If you still need convincing, here are three reasons why sex during your period is a good idea:

1. Sex during menstruation cures cramps. It might even help the headaches that occur, but be ready with the aspirin if they worsen.
2. There is less risk of pregnancy during menstruation. However, there can be some risk in women whose cycles are irregular. Using condoms is recommended with new partners or casual ones, since transmission of HIV during menstruation is more likely than when you’re not.
3. Your hormones are raging. There’s nothing like sex when your body when your body is really screaming for it; this is a fact men appreciate, too and it’s why some of them love having sex with menstruating women.

Your Man’s Attitude
If your man has made it clear he’s not interested in sex during your period, don’t push the issue (although if he makes disparaging comments or has some sort of severe repulsion response, you may want to rethink being in this relationship). But some men just need a bit of coaxing. If he has not been in a lot of long-term relationships, the issue may never have come up; this isn’t his fault, his past lovers should have initiated him! But maybe you’ll have to do it. Start out in an unthreatening way. For some men, letting him know how horny you are is the only push they need. But no need to tell him, you can show him with some hot foreplay. If you’re willing to give him some pleasure first, he may reciprocate; if you rarely swallow his semen during fellatio for example, you can do it on these occasions and he may be grateful enough to go the extra mile for you. If the first time you have intercourse when you’re menstruating happens in the dark, and you clean things up before the lights come on--see our tips below!–he just may be blown away and think you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him.

If you want to turn your man into someone who not only enjoys but initiates sex during your period, perhaps you can ease him into it by leaving relevant books or films around, or earthy images of nude bodies. Guys who insist on their women being clean-shaved to the point of glistening, who don’t like their “laundry day” ensemble of dirty sweatpants and holey shirt, may not ever become the type who can embrace their woman’s entire physical being with all its mysterious and sometimes messy truths. But these guys also tend to think their own shit doesn’t stink, to use a crude but common phrase. Ditch ‘em and find a guy whose love of fun overrides his neat-freak hang-ups.

The Logistics
There are a few tricks you can employ to make sex during your period hassle-free and less messy or uncomfortable. First off, prepare yourself for sex by showering, bathing or cleaning up first; this will let you rest easy that there is no odor from blood or residual blood residue lingering anywhere. You may have found that tampons not only absorb blood, but all vaginal fluid as well. Unless your flow is very heavy, give yourself a bit of tampon-free time (using a napkin or pad is fine) before sex so your natural lubrication will be sufficient. Some women wait until their flow abates somewhat before having sex; this means the blood is less bright red, which may make your man less freaked out if he has a thing about blood.

But the best way to avoid your man’s anxiety about the sight of blood is to have the lights off. If it is daytime, draw the blinds and curtains. If your flow is heavy, place a towel on the bed, or if you’re concerned about staining expensive sheets, use the floor or sofa and a few blankets. Some women find their menstrual blood adds a new dimension to the texture of their vaginal fluids, and some men love the way it feels. But seeing his penis covered in it afterwards may be more than some men can handle, at least until they get used to it.So after sex, have your man lie there while you clean him off. A towel may be sufficient, but a nice hot damp washcoth works best. You could even get all “Arabian Nights” about it and bring in a bowl of hot soapy water and natural sponge. If you are normally not the type to “wait on” your man he may find this sort of service irresistible. This gives you a chance to clean up while you are out of the room, too. Wash him off gently, pat him dry and let the snuggling begin...or if you’re lucky the washjob will get him ready to go again!

If you occasionally practice anal sex with your man, this is of course practical during menstruation. Some women experience a bit of bowel discomfort or change in bowel habits during their periods, so plan accordingly. Insert a fresh tampon beforehand.

How about sex in the shower? This keeps things clean and can be extremely sexy. See our article “Good, Clean, Hot Fun” for tips!

Some women use their diaphragm to staunch the flow of blood before sex. This has the added benefit of helping prevent pregnancy (which admittedly is a low risk during menstruation). No need to add spermicide unless you want to for added protection.

Sex during your period is not all about him of course! Your raging hormones make you eager for release. Not to mention orgasm helps make cramps disappear. Some men may be comfortable pleasuring you with their hands but not their cocks when you’re bleeding. If this is not your usual m.o., enjoy it for the variety it provides. If his usual way of getting you off is cunnilingus, he may be reluctant to do this when Aunt Flo is visiting. Men have to approach this according to their own comfort level, but men are funny creatures. Some of them are just plain determined to rise to the occasion; some of them are whining little boys. If your man decides he wants to eat you out, make sure your tampon is gone and you’ve cleaned up recently. This can be even messier than intercourse during menses, so the towel beneath you is a must! Or you can experiment with different positions. Speaking of which, the best position for helping alleviate cramps during sex is on your back, so you can press the small of your back into the bed or floor when you can, gently tightening your abdominal muscles.

If for whatever reason it looks like sex is not going to happen during your period, you and your man can always talk and cuddle and fantasize. Maybe this is even a time for you to have a good old-fashioned hot necking and dry humping session with your clothes on.

It only happens once a month, but there is no reason to let your period get in the way of your sex life!