As with other sexual activities, practice makes perfect! And communication with, and consideration for, our sexual partners helps to alleviate any problems. Here are a few simple tips to help you overcome your anxiety and enjoy this pleasurable activity!
Lie back and enjoy it!
It is possible for two people to perform oral sex on each other at the same time, but usually one partner performs on the other as they are lying back and relaxing, or standing or sitting in a comfortable way. Simultaneous oral sex is known as "69" because of the shapes our bodies make when our mouths and genitals are in contact; one person performing oral sex on another is sometimes called "68", as in, "You make me feel good and I will owe you one!"
This is one of the most intimate forms of sex; it implies trust in our partner and confidence in our own bodies. Oral sex is something we do for the pure pleasure of it, so it doesn't work too well if we are not in the mood to enjoy ourselves. Make sure you are comfortable, whether you are getting or giving.
Practice or Read Up on Technique
Some of us may be nervous that we are not "skilled" enough at oral sex to please our partner, so we are reluctant to try it. Maybe we made an attempt or two and it was not met with enthusiasm. But everything takes practice. Tell your partner you want to give him/her the best oral sex they have ever had! This will encourage them to make noises that communicate their pleasure, and maybe they will also give you hints like "slower" or "softer." The touch of the mouth, lips and tongue upon the genitals feels so good that usually your partner will be grateful for the simple experience; oral sex is an excellent form of foreplay. But if you can bring them to shuddering, ecstatic orgasm, even better!
About Swallowing
Check out our "How to Give a Great Blow-Job" article. But know that swallowing is a choice. You may choose to do it sometimes, and not at others. Once you "commit" to swallowing your partner's semen, it is difficult to change your mind, but you can gently pull your mouth away and try not to disrupt the rhythm or mood. Don't move away too quickly; maybe you can touch your partner's penis gently with your hands or even use a towel to clean him off (gently!) Or let your hair or silky lingerie rest against his leg or abdomen to enhance the sensation. Kiss the surrounding area, prolonging your mouth contact with his body as the sensation of orgasmic release slowly fades. The intimacy of oral sex need not end with the moment of orgasm (same goes for women).
Be Clean...
One of the most common reasons people give for not giving or receiving oral sex more often is that they are anxious about an offensive odor or taste. There is no denying that the genital area can be a place of strong odors or tastes but for many of this it is part of the pleasure of the experience. Natural body odors are nothing to be embarrassed about and for many of us the smells associated with sexual arousal are a real turn-on! (Mother Nature designed us this way, after all)
But to make yourself feel confident, make sure you are thoroughly clean beforehand. Jump in the shower or bath, and maybe coax your partner in there with you. Offensive smells or tastes are usually due to a build of bodily fluids/secretions, and/or a build-up of bacteria. A quick wash with simple soap and water will take care of this.
..But Not Too Clean!
Please, resist the temptation to use vaginal deodorants or perfumes! Same for men, no need for those nasty-smelling "man sprays." Many of these products simply do not smell very good and are used to mask odor but have their own chemical, often-overpowering smell that many people do not like. A nice sandalwood soap (for men) or rose-scented powder (for women) applied discreetly can be a nice addition to your own body's scent, but don't apply overpowering fragrances thinking it will detract from your natural odor. It won't, it will just mask it with perfume. Most people will honestly admit they prefer their partner's natural odor these artificial scents. Let the real (clean) you come through!
A Hairy Problem?
Some women think being clean-shaven will cut down on odor, and to some extent this is true because pubic hair traps bacteria more quickly than bare skin. Ask your partner about his/her preference; maybe they might like you to trim a bit but would be taken aback if you suddenly appear completely shaved! Some men shave their pubic area, too. This is a personal grooming decision that partners can discuss and experiment with. Nice thing about hair: it eventually grows back if you change your mind!
Communicate
When you are giving oral sex, your mouth is full! But you can still lift up for a moment to ask if it feels good, or you can moan while you are pleasuring your partner (some claim this adds a pleasant vibration to the proceedings!) to enhance the experience. If you are receiving, the sounds you make will be an indicator if your partner is hitting all the right spots. Don't be shy about asking for a different movement, or about telling them how good it feels! |
