But one myth about women growing older is that our sex drives lessen or even disappear after age 50. This myth is slow to go away even though there is very little evidence that this is true. The myth derives from two very different ideas: one, that women experience a loss of estrogen production during and after menopause, and this lessens the sex drive; and two, that women are generally devalued or considered less attractive or less sexual beings after a certain age. Let's look at both these issues.

First off, it is true that estrogen production lessens after menopause; BUT this does not mean the sex drive has to lessen. Certain physical difficulties may present themselves that make sex more challenging (true for men and women), but your desire and response should not be affected adversely by menopause. If they are, this is more likely a sign of some emotional or psychological issue. Vaginal dryness is perhaps the most common sexual difficulty but this can actually happen at any age and is often related to stress as well as low estrogen production. It is also a side effect of certain medications and anti-depressants. Another effect of reduced estrogen production is that the vaginal walls grow thinner and this results in decreased elasticity. Both these conditions can make sex difficult or painful. The use of personal lubricant helps the problem, as does prolonged attention to foreplay (nothing you didn't find out in your 20s or 30s!), and in some cases doctors prescribe hormone replacement therapy, or HRT. HRT does carry inherent risks, however, including a greater probability of developing certain forms of cancer. Discuss the options with your doctor and gynecologist and do your research before exploring this option. There are now many natural therapies and solutions that are every bit as effective as HRT. (See our article: "Natural Menopause").

Estrogen loss does not, despite the myths, decrease sex drive; testosterone loss or imbalance does (this is why some women experience a loss of sexual desire when taking certain hormone-based contraceptives). It is also true that testosterone levels may decrease with age, and the detriment to men is obvious; but testosterone levels also affect women's sex drive. You can get your hormone levels checked by your doctor. He/she may suggest hormone treatments or supplements. Again, do your research. Some men think using Viagra or similar erectile dysfunction drugs are a straightforward solution to decreased sex drive, and this logic leads women to try them, too; but that is not really what these drugs are made for. Also, for men, aging means it takes longer to achieve an erection; but this does not necessarily equal erectile dysfunction. (See our article "Men, Aging and Sex.")

Lowered sex drive is also affected by emotional and psychological matters, such as depression, relationship difficulties and stress. You may find that you will need to find new ways of communicating about sex with your partner/s to address issues that were never a problem in younger years. Age may bring wisdom, but if you were raised in a generation or culture where discussing sex is not the norm, this can take some courage and forethought. Even Baby Boomers reaching their 60s now might feel shy about matters they used to take for granted in the sexually-liberal late 1960s and 1970s. Speak up! The only thing you have to lose is a less-than-satisfactory sex life. Your partner/s may welcome the opportunity to change things.

The good news is that many women report that, having reached their fifties and even sixties, their sex lives have never been better! A lot of this is attitude and perspective: we no longer have to worry about pregnancy, we tend to feel very comfortable in our own skins, and we tend to take good care of ourselves and place our own needs first, once the demands of raising families has abated. Also, the "empty nest" syndrome (in which parents, especially mothers, feel bereft and bored and sometimes useless after the children move out) is not necessarily a bad thing. Once the initial adjustment period is over, many couples find a newfound intimacy, not having to worry about the nose level of their lovemaking or choosing an impromptu or unusual time or location for sex.

One easy way to increase sexual function and overall health is to make sure you exercise regularly. This increases general vitality, improves circulation (important for basic sexual function), helps increase hormone levels, and also releases endorphins in the brain, which can foster a sense of well-being that can help you cope with any anxiety or stress your may be experiencing. When asked their secrets for longevity and vitality at an advanced age, many octogenarians credited exercise with helping keep them youthful; anything that works up a mild sweat and increases heart rate (even sex!) works. Walking, hiking, yoga, gardening, Pilates, stretching, dancing, and weight training are all recommended. Exercise also helps keep joints and muscles flexible and limber: a real plus for sexual activity.

Sex after 50 is becoming a hot topic and there are many articles and books out there now. One great one is "Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty" by Joan Price. This memoir/how-to is full of anecdotes and advice on how to make the most of sex during middle age and beyond. Price is also a noted expert on fitness so she includes plenty of information on how physical condition affects sexual activity. Then there is Gail Sheehy's "Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life" by an author best known for her book on life and career decisions, "Passages". Those two self-help gurus, Dr. Phil and Dr. Ruth, have also jumped on this bandwagon, as have other authors writing books geared towards peopel 50 and over who want are anxious that their sex lives might dissipate or disappear.

In a great article for the San Francisco Chronicle Louise Rafkin reviews these books and others and questions the idea that sex should "suddenly" get wonderful in middle age; what about having great sex when we're younger? Rafkin thinks this idea of "seasoned sex"being a fashionable new trend is symptomatic of our culture's increasing emphasis upon youthfulness and beauty at any price. She also suggests that the main issue for seniors is actually finding compatible sexual partners, not attitudes or physical issues having to do with aging itself. She quotes noted sexologist Susie Bright as saying that she feels left out amid all the focus on sex after 50, that somehow this means women are not doing all they can to discover their sexual selves sooner, and jokes that her own memoir in later life will be entitled "Worn Out Slut". Go Suzy!