The good news is that, once we reach our 60s, the focus on the more youthful ideal of beauty (smooth, line-free skin or tight glutes) tends to relax and encompass the whole person. This is not to say that looks will no longer matter; but having cultivated a good life and pleasing personality will take us much further than any number of facelifts, tummy tucks, butt lifts or implants. This attitude applies to sex as well. Being comfortable with our bodies will finally be easier, because it simply will not matter as much that we have the perfect dimple-free ass or flat stomach. In fact, seniors report that sex gets better when they are older because the focus is on pleasure and personal connection, not on perfect bodies or performance.

The other great change at this age is that you or your partner may be approaching or may have reached retirement. Having a lot of free time can be wonderful but also many retirees find it can be a difficult adjustment, and they need to find ways to fill up their time in a satisfying way. Cultivating hobbies or establishing social contacts while you are still working will help ease this transition. The loss of a career or job routine may lead to some loss of self-esteem, just as changes in the face and body do, and some people find this affects their sex drive or desire to be intimate. Realize you are a wise and experienced person with a lot of knowledge and energy still to offer. Try to do the things you always said you'd do more of when you had more time...and that may include sex!

This article assumes you are ready to accept the idea that you are aging and that it is possible to do so gracefully, retaining the beauty and charm you have cultivated as a woman your entire adult life. Think of women in their late fifties or sixties whom you have admired: Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn, Lauren Bacall, etc. Or the late great actresses who were so beautiful into advanced years like Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, Grace Kelly, etc. These women are actresses who are used to being in the public eye, and so often women who are scrutinized in this way resort to plastic surgery or follow fashion trends to try and remain youthful. But many of them take a more reasonable approach, like changing their diet and exercise routines to maintain optimal health. Such changes can enhance sex as you get older, too! Yoga not only keeps the back strong and the muscles supple, it increases flexibility. Aerobic exercise like walking or hiking not only keeps you trim, it helps increase circulation which provides bloodflow to the genitals during arousal! Eating low-fat dairy products not only supplies calcium and protein, it helps regulate fluctuating hormone production after menopause.

Our article on sex after fifty addresses some of the changes to expect during menopause. But once you reach sixty you have been dealing with menopause for a while. Your body has settled into it and you know what to expect on a daily basis, instead of waiting for constant changes and surprises. Although it can be somewhat comforting to know the hot flashes and mood swings are done with, some post-menopausal conditions do affect our sexuality, namely vaginal dryness. But the same advice still applies: plenty of foreplay (masturbation counts!) and using plenty of water-based lubrication. Some older women find they go a long time in between acts of intercourse if they do not have a regular partner. Even if you've had children and plenty of sex in your lifetime, the vagina has a strange way of both losing elasticity and getting tighter from having less sex. There are a few ways to approach this. Having sex with a partner more often may or may not be an option, but masturbation is always possible. If your hands or fingers get sore or stiff when you do this because of a touch of arthritis or carpal tunnel, try a vibrator. There are hundreds of models available, all available discreetly through mail order. Some older women like to use a dildo for vaginal and G-spot stimulation, and to help keep the vagina stretched out between acts of intercourse. Good Vibrations is a very female-friendly sex-positive shop with every imaginable product to help make sex easier, better and, if you want, more adventurous.

Older women tend to appreciate the fact that they are on their own for many reasons...but not having "sex on tap" with a live-in partner can require some adjusting. Of course, after many years together some couples find their sex lives deteriorate from boredom. Both of these issues loom large for the woman aged sixty or older. The answer to both dilemmas is to reinvent the way you are doing things. Read books, take classes, watch videos, check out magazine articles, and try some new approaches to your same old routine. If you are your partner tend to have intercourse only, try oral sex or mutual masturbation. Try having sex in an unusual location (remember those hot sessions in the car or the pantry when you first got together?), or bring in some form of fantasy or role-playing. Older couples are sometimes reluctant to try such things because they feel they are "too old" for such focus on sex, or because in their formative years the use of such techniques was not very widespread. But clearly the world of sexuality has evolved to the point where, as long as everyone is okay with what is happening, anything goes. You may never have guessed your partner liked spankings or bondage, but unless you ask and explore, you'll never know. If you feel embarrassed starting these conversations, try leaving books, videos, catalogs or articles around in a conspicuous place. Ask if he/she has seen it and what they think. Don't worry about what your children, friends or neighbors might think if they found out (they won't and if they do, they just might be happy for you! Or you may inspire them to do the same.) Once you have reached a place of wisdom and maturity in your life, the only reason for not trying something new is because it does not appeal to you.

The physical challenges of sex after sixty can be as tricky as the social and psychological ones. Achieving orgasm becomes more difficult for men and women because of changes in muscular strength and nerve sensitivity. But older lovers are more knowledgeable and patient. In our younger years we may have wanted to try all sorts of athletic positions; now we want to use what works and what feels good. Get yourself an illustrated version of the Kama Sutra; this ancient and amazing guide to positions for lovemaking can provide all sorts of creative inspiration for using different angles and points of contact for stimulation. Some senior citizens may find, for example, that giving oral sex causes a stiff neck or pain in the shoulders or jaw. But there are ways to make it less strenuous; the person receiving can kneel in front of the person performing as they lie down. Some find kneeling on a pillow on the floor while performing oral sex on someone seated in a chair is a comfortable and effective position. And speaking of pillows, having a few on the bed will also be useful when you are trying to find more effective positions for intercourse. Using pillows can increase the possibilities for positions, help cushion limbs that tend to get stiff or sore, and also allow maximum contact with the G-spot if you use them to help prop up the pelvis during intercourse.

One last word about erectile dysfunction (ED) medication (discussed in more detail in our article on Men, Aging and Sex). Although medications such as Viagra have been very popular in recent years among older men, it is also true that such drugs do not work for everyone and do have some serious side effects. Some older men do not in fact have serious ED, but are embarrassed by how long it takes them to get hard and how difficult it is to maintain an erection compared to their younger years. Before your partner starts to rely on such pills for maintaining an erection, explore some of the techniques described in this article. It may that approaching sex in a more carefree and pleasure-oriented way can help alleviate anxiety about erections. If you are combining your sex play with a nice hot bath or a sensual massage, and maybe starting to have more oral sex and mutual masturbation in addition to or instead of intercourse, the importance of erection, orgasm and other goal-oriented things may start to seem less important than the totality of the experience. Once you and your partner can relax about this, your sex life will become more enjoyable, and your joy in sexuality can continue for many years to come.