After twenty years of marriage, you’d think I would have all the answers. Realistically, it’s an on going search because life is ever changing.

If you want to spice up your marriage, never-ending communication between you and your spouse is my recommendation. My husband and I look back and laugh at the changes we've seen in our relationship over the years, but we are still deeply in love and continue to experience pleasure with each other.

As we all know, there always seems to be something getting in the way of relationships. Whether it's family, career or pure self-indulgence, life has a way of sneaking up on you and changing everything. In the beginning as a couple we were all hot and bothered, not wanting to spend one minute away from each other. We thought of nothing except getting home to the freedom of our wild and crazy sexual joy ride. Even meals became an after thought, and forget about seeing our friends.

Women tend to say in general, “If he would only slow down,” “If he would only be romantic,” “If he would only help me with the housework” etc. These are only excuses. Ask yourself, “What have you done lately to slow the pace down and make things romantic?” Does it really matter if the house is messy one more evening? Make your sex life a priority, don't leave it as the last item on your “to do list.” Don't communicate in a way that places blame by saying “You need to do this or that.” Instead try saying, “We should try this or that.” Or better yet say, “I want to do this or that.” Believe it or not, men are not mind readers. If you don't tell them what you're feeling or thinking, you can't expect anything to change.

Do you wonder why your husband doesn't seem to notice when you’re not in the mood anymore? Is it possible that you used to always be in the mood? Try being honest and tell him what’s going on. A woman, who works full time, whether it is at the office or at home, exercises, brings the kids to school or to after-school sports, or even doing the housework alone, can easily get too tired to care about sex. Like I said before, it’s easy to let life get in the way of your relationship.

Think about how awful it really is to give up the pleasure you and your spouse once shared. Not to mention placing your spouse and the quality time you spend together on the “I give up list.” Realize that you may need to change as well as your partner. Don't just expect him to know what you need. It usually doesn't take a lot to make a person happy; simple attention will often do. I find myself wondering why is it so easy to take those we love for granted.

Taking responsibility for your part in this two-way relationship will help you both, in and out of the bedroom. Taking charge is a source of power that can do a lot for your self-confidence. You want romance; create it in your own way. Take a long hot bubble bath, thinking of the pleasure to come, surprise your spouse late at night by not wearing any panties. Why not put the kids to bed early and cook dinner for your spouse in a sexy outfit. Didn't you use to dress up nicely for him? Start going on dates again. Spend a quiet night at home curled up on the couch with a movie and some popcorn while the kids are asleep. These things can all be sources of quality "together time" that can also lead to a lot of fun in and out of the bedroom. Hint Hint ;)

Try getting your spouse to cook dinner, there’s nothing sexier than a man that can cook. Sometimes, the little things can give you the greatest rewards. Meeting your spouse half way, and encouraging him that you're open minded to change, may get him started on the path to making the changes you both need.

After years of marriage, the sexual joy ride should continue to be a favorite part of your relationship. It’s something special between you and your spouse alone; no other part of your life should get in the way. The closeness you share in the bedroom will only strengthen other areas of your relationship. Allow yourself to always enjoy the private world you create together behind closed doors. Make the time.