All those questions and about a thousand more go through your mind the first time you notice a woman in *that* way, or get really turned on by a lesbian scene in a movie. There's a tendency in our society to categorize human traits into neat little boxes, which can make that first bi-curious thought a real shocker. Sensuality and desire are personal feelings, distinct from the object that inspired them. In my own experience, recognizing that feelings are separate things gave me the freedom to enjoy the fantasies I had about being with another woman. It's a liberating realization, that expanded my sexual fantasies a thousand fold. There is a real eroticism about watching women together, different from watching a man and a woman yet just as powerful. Watching videos with great girl-girl scenes revved up my sex life with my male partner immensely too.

Talking about my dream-woman lover fantasies with my partner was another revelation. He told me that one of the most erotic things he could ever see is two women just kissing.

The point where I became more than curious was when I started wanting to really be with another woman. Outside my imagination I mean. Fantasizing about Catherine Zeta-Jones is one thing, but meeting her? Not likely! There was a woman I met through a friend. Something about her just grabbed me, and she took over my fantasies. But how to bring up the fact that I was very attracted to her? At the time, there was a big public relations deal about LA Law introducing a bisexual female character to the show. Funny thing though, LA Law never showed much of that character's dating moves. Logic takes over - how did you let men know you were interested? How do men do it? Is meeting a woman any different? Looking back, it probably took as long for me to figure out meeting a woman as it did for me to figure out meeting a man, but it sure seemed longer. I missed that first lady, and the second, and the third. Like a gawky teenager, I had to get over the fears of making a fool of myself, embarrassing the lady or getting slapped in the face.

At the same time I was working up nerve, I was chatting online. Now, going into a chatroom and announcing your bi-curious, looking for real experience is not something I'd recommend. Been there, done that, got the PM flood and crashed computer to prove it.

Chatrooms are great for sharing information - and developing some non-offensive style. That's also how I indirectly met my first lady lover. One chat friend was going to a party and invited me along. It was at the party that I met *her*. She was a beautiful lesbian, who had known her lifestyle for many years. She wasn't the great love of my life, but that's not what either of us was looking for. It was a mutual fling, with nothing taken away for the shortness of time.

So, what about the man in my life? He was still around. Before I ever made a move toward finding a lover we talked about the whole idea. He said he didn't want to deny me the chance to find out about myself. Was supportive through the baby steps. Loved hearing about my rendezvous with my lover. Freaked when the lady and I parted ways. Yeah, I know. Collective 'Huh?????' Turns out that although he loved the idea of me having a lady lover, he got confused when the lady and I split. Maybe he was thinking I'd leave him and become a lesbian. Maybe he was hoping for that, or that I'd discover actually being with a woman wasn't for me. As it became clear to both of us that I'm bisexual, meaning I enjoy being with men or women equally, he was unnerved. He wanted me to be straight or lesbian. I think that was the first time I asked why do I have to choose? Is the bedroom menu marked "No Substitutions"?

Yes, fantasizing about women means you're curious to some degree.
Yes, feeling an attraction to a particular woman means you're curious to some degree.
No, fantasies and feelings don't mean you're going to be a lesbian or a diesel dyke.
Being bisexual doesn't mean you're a sex fiend, just that you've had some experiences and learned some things about yourself.