What causes PE?
Sometimes PE is the result of physical conditions like prostrate or urinary tract infection. Also, men undergoing life changes that area stress-inducing may find they orgasm more quickly than at other times. General states of ill health can also cause premature ejaculation. Obvious physical causes such as these can be discussed with a doctor. But in most cases, PE is not tied directly to any physical condition; rather, it is a learned behavior.
The BBC reports that sex therapists have determined that men who suffer from PE cannot identify a sensation that occurs a few moments before ejaculation called "the point of inevitability." This is the moment at which a man knows he is going to come and can either choose to shift position or slow down the stimulus to delay orgasm, or choose to continue the stimulation and reach orgasm. Men who experience PE have usually had this tendency throughout their sexual lives, and so the idea of a "point of inevitability" has never occurred to them. This is especially true if men who masturbated during adolescence felt rushed, guilty or anxious. If they got used to the sensation of coming quickly, that would quickly become the norm for them. In turn, this characterized their later experiences with women, and since many younger women are not yet experienced or confident enough to take charge of their own pleasure, they usually accept a man's hair-trigger orgasms as "normal" or were too embarrassed to express their disappointment.
In some relationships, sex may become perfunctory and women may urge their men to come quickly to "get it over with." In some cases, if men are willing and able to please their partners in other ways before they ejaculate, they may see no pressing need to delay orgasm and so a fast climax through intercourse becomes the norm for these men. But all men should feel that they possess the capacity to become skilled, deliberate lovers, and this includes being able to control their orgasms.
Self-Help
There are a number of techniques that can be employed to help overcome frequently-occurring PE. Some men might feel more comfortable practicing these techniques in private before discussing them or trying them with a partner. But the help of a partner may be very useful in addressing this problem, so keep in mind that honest communication could go a long way towards overcoming PE.
First and foremost, if stress is present it will be next to impossible to address sexual difficulty. Take a break, tale a bath, take a hike, take up yoga...do whatever works to lighten the load. Life is too short to be dragged through it kicking and screaming; learn to take it slow and appreciate small things, and you may find your blood pressure lowering and your outlook improving, both of which will help your sex life!
It is important to address relationship problems or issues that may be adding to the problem of PE. You have to be fully in the mood for sex and comfortable being intimate with your partner before you can relax and feel confident and in control. So work out problems before hitting the bedroom. It is surprising how many couple do not follow that simple old adage of not going to bed angry!
Women use Kegel (pelvic floor muscles) exercises to help increase blood flow to the genitals and improve elasticity and control of those muscles. Men have the same muscles and can use these exercises to strengthen the muscles that control ejaculation. You work out to tighten your abs or shrink your gut or sculpt your shoulders–why not exercise to improve your sexual skills?
During sex, there are a number of techniques that can be employed to delay orgasm. By stimulating yourself to just before the point of orgasm and then stopping before orgasm occurs, you can start to recognize the sensations occurring, which can help you gain some control. Practice this until you "start and stop" at least three times in succession to delay orgasm. You can also try using different strokes and varying speed and rhythm to gain control. You can also try different positions to stimulate different areas; for example, some men find that having the woman on top can help them gain more control, and some find just the opposite. Work with your partner if possible, but you may want to try these techniques on your own first, to help you get comfortable with the idea and to avoid feeling nervous. But once you begin to work on this, chances are very good your partner will be happy to help you get even better at it! |
