But what about when he's the one who's not wanting it often enough?

First things first. You want to make sure it's not something physical in nature. (Low libido is NOT the same as erectile dysfunction/impotence). The above mentioned causes apply to men sometimes, particularly if they're taking antidepressants or other medications who have lowered libido as a side effect.

These causes can usually be addressed easily by discontinuing the medications or substituting one without this side effect. Some people with mild depression find that taking St. John's wort (an herbal supplement) instead of Zoloft or Prozac works well for them; increased exercise also increases endorphin release in the brain, which causes physical and emotional well-being to increase and, shwing! It also increases libido.

Some men, for unknown reasons, suffer from a lowered testosterone level and this affects libido. These levels can be tested by a doctor and this can be easily corrected. Other conditions affecting libido include alcoholism or drug abuse, and obesity. The solutions for these are simple, but not always easy to implement. Only an alcoholic or addict can decide to address their addiction. But if your man is too heavy, you can help by cooking healthy meals and having healthy foods in the house, and encouraging activities that are active, like hiking or gardening.

As men age, libido is affected due to a number of factors like prostate health, or diseases such as diabetes or arthritis. Encourage him to inform himself about his health and get regular check-ups (something men are very reluctant to do!) Reassure him you are not trying to nag him but you care about him and want to enjoy a loving relationship with him for a long time.

All too often, men's sex drive is psychological in nature. They may be unhappy with some aspect of their lives and therefore suffering from stress. They may be realizing they have a sexual identity crisis such as latent homosexuality or bisexuality. If your man is open to it, you might suggest he see a therapist to talk things out.

Some men with lowered libido may be going through a phase where they do not find their partner sexually attractive. This is not at all uncommon and happens to women too. It does not mean the partner has in fact grown unattractive! Simply that the familiarity and routine of their sex lives has made it more difficult to feel the sort of excitement that fuels some peoples' libidos.

It's crucial to approach these times of lessened sex drive with patience and compassion. Sometimes talking it out, either with each other or a counselor, can work wonders. But since relationships are about so much more than sex, it may be that there are other issues affecting your sex lives. If your partner (or you) have concerns about your careers, children, parents, finances, or other matters, it's good to address them straight on before they add stress to your intimate relationship.

It can be difficult to talk about your sex life with your partner. Some women feel humiliated suggesting they want sex more than their man does. But the problem is not as uncommon as you might think. The problem is that most women blame themselves for this, when the problem is likely to lie with their man; but if you don't talk about it you'll never know.

If there have been issues of infidelity, sometimes the resulting anger or guilt makes it hard to resume sex as it was before. Establishing trust and assuring your partner you still love them is important. Affairs are common, more common than open relationships. You do the math! Forgiveness goes a long way to heal the damage done. Is your relationship more important than revenge or punishment? Then move on! Withholding affection is a passive-aggressive way of punishing one's partner and can cause real rifts in relationships. Do yourselves a favor and clear the air. If you can't talk to each other, get yourselves to a counselor.

Maybe you or your partner has issues of self-confidence. Let's face it, we all gain a few pounds and wrinkles as we age, and some men lose their hair, etc. If you or your man have seriously ?let yourself go? you can set an example by working on yourself. We need to be accepting of normal aging and not get too obsessed (hello, Botox addictions anyone?) But there is no reason to stop trying to be attractive for our lovers...yes, your husband or boyfriend of however-many years is still your lover!

Remember when you were dating and you'd spend hours choosing an outfit or fixing your hair and getting your make-up right or selecting sexy lingerie or perfume just for him? We tend to lose sight of the art of seduction as we get comfortable with our lovers. Even if he still finds you attractive, if he notices you're making an extra effort to turn his head he just might take notice! So don that lacy nighty, cook him that special meal, put some sexy music on the stereo, invite him into a bubble bath...one small gesture can make a world of difference and get your sex life back on track.