So, Is He Serious About You?

Okay if you are anything like me (and I have to assume you are at least a bit like me), you are fed up with these silly books telling women that guys "just aren't that into us." I mean, should we not be able to tell this on our own without shelling out twenty bucks for some smug ball-breaker to spell it out for us?

Well, I hate to admit it, but sometimes it can be really difficult figuring out how guys feel about us when we've only been dating them a short time. (Or even when we've been dating them a long time!) I have been with my share of mercurial writers and soulful environmentalists and melancholy musicians, and these types tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves. But your average guy who isn't trying to make a living spilling his guts out in word and song is simply not going to be as articulate in matters of the heart.

So, what's a gal to do when she wants to know where she stands? Heck, you may still be trying to figure out whether your guy likes the way you give head because the majority of men don't tend to be very verbal or even vocal in bed! (That's Another Article, so for any guys reading this, Stay Tuned!)

I asked around a bit and did some soul-searching (you know, where you reflect on all the painful, humiliating and just plain shitty relationship stuff you've gone through over the years) to come up with some tell-tale signs that a guy is either Seriously Interested, Pretty Darn Interested, Potentially Fairly Interested, Somewhat Interested, and Probably Not All That Interested But Will Stick Around Until Something Better Comes Along or Until You Find Out You're One of Six or Seven Girlfriends He's Stringing Along Just for Sex and/or Ego-Stroking.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll just put all those on a scale of One to Five! One Being Seriously Interested...you get the idea.

Now, before we get too much further, keep in mind I am not the most experienced relationship expert you're ever gonna meet. We are all different and our perspetives may shift daily based on what new lessons we learn. But I have tried to address some of the more comon situations and concerns many of us have experienced or will in the near future. Try to assess your current relationship honestly and, if you still can't decide whether it is worth the effort, keep in mind guys can change their minds overnight (though historically-speaking it is pretty obvious that women are way more fickle than men). If you're not really unhappy or frustrated, give it a chance, and you may go from a Four to a Two in less time than it takes to read this article! Good luck, ladies.

Communication (Frequency)
1--He initiates calls or emails at least once a day, and always responds promptly to your calls or messages.
2--He initiates calls or emails at least 3-4 times a week, and usually responds quickly to yours.
3--He initiates calls or emails about once a week, but usually you hear from him in response to your call or email.
4--He will respond to your calls or emails fairly regularly, but misses them occasionally, and only initiates contact every 7-10 days or less.
5--He almost never initiates calls or email, and responds infrequently if at all.

Communication (Quality)
1--Your email exchanges are funny, witty, sweet and/or sexy; your phone conversations are long and chatty and often get quite steamy.
2--His emails to you are friendly and flirty, and you enjoy each other on the phone, sometimes calling just to say hello or to leave a short, sweet message like "Looking forward to tonight."
3--He usually emails only to confirm plans you're making, or to forward a joke he's also sending to his workplace buddies; he'll leave a phone message that is fairly friendly but prefers to call when he can reach you in person. Maybe an occasional "Just called to see what you're up to" call.
4--Email is sporadic, and usually fairly neutral. He tends to call when he knows he can get away with leaving a message, and is not always very clear about when the best time to reach him is...allowing for a "see ya when I see ya" tone. He does try to clarify date plans by phone, but sometimes cancels with short notice.
5--Almost never answers email, and when you do get him on the phone he is usually busy or has to get off the line because his call waiting is ringing. Calls at the last minute because he has forgotten what restaurant you're meeting at, or to cancel plans at the last possible minute (like, when you've already been waiting for him for an hour). Sometimes stands you up with no phone call.

His Social Circle
1--He has introduced you to a number of his friends, and he's met some of yours, and you have both already met at least one family member or have plans to do so soon. You've discussed your holiday plans and whether it would make sense to spend them together.
2--You've met several of his friends at a party or a bar, and he has asked you to come to various casual events where his friends will be. When you mention your friends or family he politely inquires how they're doing.
3–You have run into one or two of his friends by chance but he introduced you fairly quickly. He has not asked about your family beyond basic questions like your hometown and how many siblings you have.
4–He has not shown any enthusiasm about introducing you to his friends, but he has also not seemed reticent to take you to his usual hang-outs. He does not seem curious about your friends, except when he has met the prettier ones in person.When you have suggested going to parties together, he seems to hesitate. (This makes you wonder if he doesn't want to be seen with you, or if he has another woman out there.)
5–He seems to want to keep you from any other aspect of his social existence. Has been known to talk to his acquaintances for several minutes while completely ignoring you and not introducing you. Dates, when they occur, are just the two of you in a poorly-lit saloon, or at his place or yours for sex, TV and maybe some take-out (in that order).

Consideration (Public)
1–He holds doors for you, touches your face across the table in the restaurant, wraps you up in his jacket at the first sign of a shiver without asking, compliments you on your hair or clothes, and has no qualms about holding hands or kissing you in public places. Can talk or listen for hours over dessert. Always asks where you'd like to go. He insists on paying unless you protest, then relents so you can have your way. Walks you to your door for a goodnight kiss if he's not staying over.
2–He usually offers to pick you up rather than have you meet him, and rarely keeps you waiting alone. Likes to ask your opinion on where to go. Loves to linger over a meal with you. He's been known to nuzzle you when you're in line at the movies, and knows what kind of ice cream you want. He's offered to bring you some chicken soup when you were sick.Waits until you are inside and wave to him before he drives off.
3–He is punctual but usually wants you to meet him somewhere rather than have you arrive together. Usually chooses the restaurant but has followed your suggestions on occasion. He sometimes seems a bit impatient with your public displays of affection.Waits until you are at your door with keys in hand before he drives off.
4–Will only hold your hand in crowded public places. Doesn't always remember to let you order first in the restaurant (which he always chooses). Holds doors open about half the time. Doesn't usually wait more than a few seconds before driving off.
5–Walks a few steps ahead of you most of the time. Rarely asks what you want to do or where you want to go. Doesn't try to keep the conversation going over dinner. Barely slows the car down before letting you out on the corner nearest your place.

Consideration (Private)
1–He's a passionate, attentive lover who always makes sure you come first (unless you insist otherwise). Asks what you like, varies his routine to keep you guessing. Kisses every inch of your body, lets his fingers linger. Likes post-sex talking or nuzzling. Gives great backrubs. Happy to make out on the sofa for hours. Respects your space and privacy implicitly, in your space or his. Keeps a box of Tampax in his bathroom (or lets you keep yours there).Happy to make love or just hold you during your period, your preference. Has brought you coffee in bed.
2–Likes to linger over foreplay. Considerate and usually gets you off first, in whatever way makes you squirm most deliciously. Asks if that feels good. Holds you close and cuddles after sex about half the time. Offers neck or foot massage occasionally. Respects your need for privacy in the bathroom or bedroom. A stray lipstick or extra toothbrush does not seem to be a problem for him.Not squeamish about menstruation, but not pushy either. Lets you wear his bathrobe.
3–Good lover but his needs seem to be slightly more important than yours. Listens to your vocal cues fairly well but does not ask what he can do to make it better. Goes down on you but doesn't always let you climax before he wants to fuck. Gave you a nice massage once. Looks askance if an earring winds up in his bed. Knocks on the door to ask if you can hurry it up in there. When told you have your period, he assumes you're going to reschedule.
4–Goes down on you about a quarter of the time, and sometimes doesn't finish the job. Will kiss you when sex is over but not much of a post-coital talker or cuddler. Doesn't mind if you stay the night but doesn't invite you, either. When you do decide to go home after, he doesn't even get out of bed to escort you out. Menstrual sex? Not with this guy.
5–Most of the orgasms you've had with him have been your own doing, and you've faked it more than once. He rarely speaks after sex and usually just falls asleep. You don't stay the night much because "he's not a morning person" doesn't begin to cover it. Acts irritated if you ask to borrow his toothpaste. Eyelids twitch uncontrollably when you mention that time of the month.

So, how'd you do?

	If you have mostly Number 1 answers, well, this guy is a keeper! He is genuinely interested in having a serious relationship and is probably already head over heels.One smoky look or sweet whisper from you will probably do the trick but don't force the moment, it will come.

	Mostly Number 2s? He's definitely tempted to be exclusive with you and is maybe treading somewhat carefully before he decides to commit. Play it cool but match his affectionate ways with your own.

	Number 3s in the majority? He may be nice but he might also be marking time with you. Don't force the issue but you might drop a hint about an old boyfriend coming into town next weekend and see what his response is...depending on his curiosity level, you may get your answer (or at least a good question or two).

	Mostly 4s: It's not likely this will lead anywhere and you have probably been feeling like it is time to give him the heave ho. If you have fun with him and have no other prospects, consider cooling things off so you have the headspace available to meet someone new.

	5s your number? This guy is using you, or, worse, doesn't even consider you significant enough to be used. He's a loser and you can do better, I don't care where you live!

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