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Initial Thoughts: There are many “mishaps” that can occur during sex. Verbal mishaps, physical mishaps, equipment failure, and much more can go wrong during passionate moments. We here at sssh wish to provide you with some survival tactics to guide you through such follies and give you some great heart-felt laughs. Perhaps you too have experienced some of these. |
Be Prepared: ♦ Physically Physical Considerations Physically we need to be ready for any challenge! We could experience extremes from general discomfort or hot and/or cold temperature. Generally speaking, discomfort can manifest itself swiftly without warning. Gas can spring up in the lower abdomen causing pains and fear of moving in any way. Excited and heated sex can sometimes mold us into positions that may render us wondering if our spines may snap, bones may be bruised or broken, or that sharp Charlie-horse will never quit. On many occasions, we are lying on some unidentifiable object that is jabbing itself into us threatening to become a permanent part of our body! Summer sex, particularly in the warmer parts of the country can be brutal! Not simply having an over-zealous man on top of you dripping (pouring) sweat all over you as he is pumping away. We also face the threat of heat exhaustion when it is we that are doing the work! Sex in the snow, meat locker, or frigid room can also prove to be challenging. I am convinced that the human ass has the capability of dropping 10-20 degrees cooler than the rest of the body! Hands and feet tend to be especially susceptible to the cold during sex in a cold environment. The need for sex may strike at anytime, so we must be prepared always: 2. Adapt: It is not sexy to strap heat-packs on your hands and feet, or to wear sox and mittens. Females sweating on the other hand are regarded as super hot to most males. Our bodies have the ability to adjust somewhat to some levels of temperature change. 3. Seek warmth: Sometimes it is possible to tuck your feet under nearby blankets and other materials. Keep your hands on your partner’s body that should keep them warm. 4. Keep moving: Changing position frequently can help with circulation, or increasing body temp through muscle movement. It can also remove you from a position that may be stifling, such as being nested in blankets or other debris. As they say in the army, “be prepared”. Be ready to expect the unexpected, and think ahead in terms of what could be expected. If we are mentally ready for anything, we can problem solve through just about anything. 1. Try not to get flustered. Noises like phones ringing and answering machines can be distracting. Keep noises far from your mind. Acknowledge it to yourself (oh yes, a phone) then tune it out. 2. Stay open minded. Some positions may not be working for you, or you may have some object digging into various body areas that is disturbing you. Simply shift positions to seek improvement. 3. Take matters into your own hands. Sometimes they just can’t seem to touch you in a way that is stimulating. If you touch yourself, he can witness your technique and become incredibly turned on. 4. Show him the way. If your partner just does not have “all the right moves”, do not get frustrated. Tell them the things you love to have done to you, or physically guide them. Being satisfied with yourself and what you can do plays a huge part in enjoying sex. If you feel sexy, you are sexy. Find little things to help you to feel good about yourself, and the relationship you are in. Do not get hung up on how you look, feel, smell, or act. Being a sex God or Goddess comes from within. 1. Don’t even think about it- Avoid thinking about whether or not you are the best or worst your partner has ever had. Who cares if others were any better or worse in any manner? Try not to concern yourself with things that could prove to be really trivial. 2. Stay in the now- Ignore all the noise in your head regarding anything else that may be going on in your life, or that you may need to tend to later. Take pleasure in what you are doing NOW. 3. Feel great about what you have & let go of what you do not have. It’s not always about getting what you want. True satisfaction can be found in wanting what you already have. Appreciate. Isn’t it always all about the tools. Our tools can range from a fetching garment, to happy-maker toys, oils, cooling devices, water reserves, or fancy bedding. Regardless, they can make for a delightful environment. 1. Setup- try to get all of your gear ready to go ahead of time. 2. General operation knowledge- Be sure you know how to operate your equipment to avoid clumsiness. 3. Malfunction- Equipment has been known to let us down from time to time. On a rare occasion, vibrators have been known to have burst into flames. In such a case, remove said object, and promptly smother the flames. ♦ The fart- The instance romance extinguisher. A little too much pressure gets placed in just the right spot, and out chirps that little sound (bloop) that makes you instantly redden uncontrollably. ♦ The open window- This has been known to trip-up some of our “louder” love makers. A concerned neighbor may call to be sure everything is alright, or nearby construction workers could become incredibly interested thus ceasing their work, or injuring themselves. ♦ Unknown bystanders- You thought no one was home, but someone unexpectedly materializes somehow in the house. This could range from kids, parents, roommates, or worst case (the other half). Some things just cannot be undone! ♦ The wrong name shouted- “No, I said Oh Please, Oh Please, not Oh Steve!” = The quick recovery! ♦ Destruction of furniture- Ever have the bed-boards snap, and down everybody goes? Some times that table isn’t quite as strong as it had appeared! ♦ Pet mishaps- One of the funniest pet stories came from my friend Jen. She told me that as her boyfriend was on top thrusting away, he was in such a position that his balls were visibly swinging back and forth. As luck would have it, her nearby cat was watching this intently from a short distance, and proceeded to pounce upon what the cat thought was a cat toy! One could imagine his surprise! This brought a rather abrupt end to the love making! These are only a few strategies and laughable situations. If you have had any similar calamities we would love to hear them!
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