According
to author Hugh Morris, kissing is an art form. Some people are naturals,
while others need all the help they can get. His 1936 work, appropriately
titled, "The Art of Kissing" was most likely the first book written
especially for the kissing impaired. Pure technique, it was designed to
turn ordinary people into byronic philanderers. Reprinted in 1988, it has
been perused by curious (and nervous) Valentines around the world.
So how much do you know about kissing? With the help of Hugh Morris, Flirts
International, and the charming members of the alt.romance newsgroup, I've
compiled some common, and many not so common, opinions concerning what a
kiss should be, how a kiss should be, and what to do if a kiss just isn't.
Be careful--this is some scary stuff.
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Pre-Kiss
Preparation |
"The picture that confronts kissers
is one that draws them onward." from The Art of Kissing
Before they share their expertise concerning completely raw kissing "procedure,"
some kissing connoisseurs (if I may call them that) like to stress the appearance
of the lips and teeth. Morris maintains that the sight and even the odor
of one's lips is "as necessary to love as is love, itself." Teeth
should be purely white and lips should be "frames of cherries."
Sometimes it is even desirable to touch the corners of the mouth with perfume
to ensure a sweet and pure breath. Hair must be freshly cleaned; if not,
it is critical to add some perfume (but not too much!) to the scalp and
lengths of the locks. Morris implores his readers to create the odor of
"heady wine."
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Primary
Procedure |
"Don't start wet, with your mouth
gaping open and your tongue poking out" courtesy of Flirts International
Approach #1: Hug. A good hug is firm, but not crushing. It
requires a relaxed holding of the other, and often includes some small
movement, like rocking from side to side. If you choose to hug, gently
pull away from the embrace and stare into your partner"s eyes
as you smile. Shift your eyes slowly to your partner's mouth. The
kiss that follows should be a delicate one.
Approach #2: Road trip. Although
your destination is the lips, you have to make some pit stops along
the way. Begin at the scalp. Lean over to smell your partner's hair
(this, of course, is Morris" approach). The moment the tip
of your nose touches his/her hair, kiss your partner"s head.
Depart for the ear. Touch the rim of the ear with your lips and
breathe gently. Depart for the neck. Plunge into the nape and gently
bite the skin there. Then, with a series of little bites, make your
way to the corner of the lips. Lift your lips away slightly and
center them.
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Once
You're There |
"Men who just clamp their lips on
yours and never move or change the angle of the kiss lose out on the whole
rhythm and motion of the kiss. It should be something dynamic and explorative."
someone in an Internet newsgroup
According to Flirts International, kissing
should be creative. A simple kiss is a combination of slow, sensual, and
mutual touching, tasting, nibbling, and licking and (gasp!) breathing. Using
one's hands is essential, but only in non-erotic zones (especially when
standing). Open eyes is preferred, but only if one can stand the intimacy.
If not, occasional peeks are acceptable (and playful). One should kiss as
though he/she has all the time in the world, but not prolong a kiss beyond
its natural life. A kiss is dead when, as my best friend said, "I can
study Genetics, watch a movie, and kiss at the same time." I hope her
boyfriend isn't reading this.
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How
to Revive a Dead Kiss |
"It should be my wishing that
I might die kissing." unknown poem
It's all about variety. However, if you have varied a kiss by
tasting, nibbling, exploring, and diverting your fervor away from
the lips and you are still bored, Hugh Morris offers some offbeat
(and seemingly painful) deviations from the standard, creative kiss.
Approach #1: The Vacuum Kiss.
Open your mouth, as well as your partner"s, and suck inward.
Morris writes, "as though you were trying to draw out the innards
of an orange." Slowly tear your mouth away, since doing otherwise
generates a loud popping noise. Gently kiss the bruised lips of
your lover, in an "act of sympathy and condolence that makes
the tie between you all the more firm." My opinion: stick to
studying Genetics...:)
Approach #2: The Eyelash Kiss.
Cheek-to-cheek, lovers should "enmesh" their eyelashes,
one eye at a time. Morris writes, "The contact of the hair
of the eyelash is one that is almost indescribable."
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Approach
#3: The Electric Kiss. When you bite into a Lifesavers candy in the
dark, it makes a spark. Hugh Morris evidently didn't know of Lifesavers
candy; he believed in using electric current to stimulate a kiss. Really.
In his book, he first supports two lovers running around without shoes on
a carpet, generating electricity.
Then, he offers his knowledge of more powerful
shocks, "these can be obtained with the use of an electric vibrator
or in fact any device that is worked from a battery and a coil."
Genetics is starting to look really good right now.
In the thirties, a marathon kissing contest
was held in Chicago. One couple kissed for a straight fifteen hours and
won the grand prize. I doubt they ever brought out the power generator,
nibbled, or sucked their way through the contest. I doubt they even searched
the library for advice. Though they were probably motivated by the desire
to win, they were most likely motivated mainly by the desire to be together,
for whatever reason.
A kiss is and should be a physical display of that desire, be it mere
lust or real emotion, for another. So, how much do you know about kissing?
If you know this simple fact, you know it all.
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