Painful Intercourse

Sometimes sex hurts. Painful intercourse is a common complaint in the gynecologist's office and it even has a name: dyspareunia. It can cause difficulty in relationships and high levels of stress for everyone involved. The main cause of pain during intercourse is a lack of lubrication. This can be caused by a lack of estrogen production after menopause begins. Pain can also be caused by sensitivity after childbirth, especially if an episiotomy or other incision was performed to widen the birth canal for delivery.

Some Physical Causes
If painful intercourse has been a problem for more than a few weeks, you should see your doctor or gynecologist to rule out any underlying physical problems. Sometimes there is an infection that causes pain, including gardnerella, candidiasis or monilia. There may also be a possibility of cysts, fibroid tumors (which are benign), or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Your doctor will ask you about the pain's frequency, location and anything that triggers it, so you may want to jot down anything you experience before visiting the doctor so the diagnosis can be made more easily. Sometimes the cause is unexpected, such as an allergy to spermicide foam or to latex condoms.

Lack of lubrication is most frequently caused by a lack of sexual arousal. Some couples simply do not spend enough time on foreplay. They may dispense with this "formality" because of time constraints or because they don't take much time with sex. Male partners may be insensitive to this issue because they may not know what to do to arouse their partners.

In long-term relationships, foreplay tends to be shorter in duration that with younger couples or newer relationships, so painful intercourse tends to affect women in long-term relationships more than newlyweds or single women. When a woman is fully aroused, the effluvium produced by the vaginal walls moistens them and makes penetration easier; also the tissues of the vagina swell and become softer, and the vagina expands to allow easier entry. This expansion and moisture makes sex easier because there is no friction caused by dryness. Mother Nature made us to reproduce easily, and to make sure sex was enjoyable enough that we would frequently try to increase our population! But to enjoy sex for its own sake, we need to understand the mechanics of it, too. For successful intercourse, you need an erect penis and a lubricated vagina. But if sex is painful, lubrication may not happen.

Pain and Arousal: A Cycle
Pain is a barrier to sexual arousal. But lack of arousal makes intercourse painful. Women who experience this problem may feel they are in a vicious circle: if they could relax into sex and enjoy it they's become aroused; but in order to enjoy it they need to be aroused first and the fear of pain makes them apprehensive about sex and thus unable to become aroused, etc. It can be very hard to break this cycle. Even the suggestion of sex can cause apprehension because of the worry that sex will lead to pain and frustration no matter what. This kind of anxiety can really dampen the mood and lead to stress, which can make this condition even worse.

The same suggestions offered in the article on how to reach orgasm more easily apply here: relax, make sure you are rested and in good health, try to employ some fantasy or erotica, work out relationship issues before sex, and communicate with your partner. Just focusing on basic well-being can be a great start. It may be helpful to discuss any negative emotions with a friend or therapist, as dispelling emotional anxiety may also be a useful step in addressing this problem.

One specific way to try and cope with this problem is to encourage a woman to masturbate more often. This can sometimes allow her to reach a state of arousal more quickly when similar stimulation occurs. She can ask her partner to touch her in the same ways that she finds exciting when she is alone. She may even try masturbating in front of her partner until she is lubricated; many men find this exciting! He may get ideas about things he can do to help you become more excited. If he does not practice oral sex frequently, suggest he try it more; this is one way many women become aroused or reach orgasm when nothing else works.

Finally, you might get some videotapes/DVDs or illustrated manuals to help you along. Sometimes seeing images of other couples trying exciting positions or activities can jump-start your imaginations and you'll be inspired to try some new things. Adding some variety to your "routine" may be all you need to reawaken some excitement and this in turn can lead to more exciting foreplay, which will enhance your arousal. If you can start to see your sex life with fresh eyes, it will very likely dispel some of your anxiety and lessen your stress. Focus on the positive: that seems to be a key element in solving any sexual problem that may not appear to have a clear-cut solution.

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