Age and life as we know it change how we have sex as the years pass, but it does not mean that sex does not remain an important component of our lives as we grow older.  Women may fear that their sex life will disappear with their youth, but that does not have to be the case.

I interviewed women of all ages, and I was amazed at some of the strong similarities, and the equally impressive differences.  Across the board, any kind of change in our life’s environment affects our drive.  Marriage, children, divorce, stress, scheduling, retirement, and loss of a spouse have a profound affect on an individual’s libido.  More so, than the chronicle age she may be experiencing.  Regardless of age or maturity, everyone longs and needs to be touched.

“I feel mostly scared and guilty.”

At this age we are ‘not supposed to be having sex’ according to our social ruling system, but ultimately, we do.  This is our initial exploratory and experimental phase.  The few girls that I spoke with were actually less inhibited than I had expected, however I could still sense some residual shame in their mannerisms while they were sharing their stories.

“I feel like when I am out with guys, I do whatever I can NOT to have sex.”

These girls tend to worry about what will happen as a result of their sexual escapades.  The fears range from becoming pregnant, humiliated, getting caught, how they appear to others, or actually losing their partner as a result of acting too soon or insufficiently.

“Now that I am in college, hot guys are everywhere; I don’t care if I am a slut!”

At some point they become a little less concerned.  As time moves on, inhabitation's seem to decrease, and making connections become more important.  What was also interesting about this age group was what they considered to be ‘hot sex’.

“It was so hot. He was an amazing kisser and he was all over me!”

Attraction at this stage seems to weigh heavy on physical appearances, as does “the hunt”.  Hours are spent on preparation for both. It's crucial for these girls to feel sexy and wanted, and sometimes that is all it takes to get them into bed.  But does that ever really change? How many times have you felt like a sucker because you heard the words you needed to hear?

“Sex is the most powerful tool that I’ve got; I can get my boyfriend to do anything for a blow job!”

I threw back my head and laughed at this comment, I found myself asking the question "does this ever change".  It is on the other hand, mind-boggling to hear just to what degree of sheer slavery a young man will submit to in the quest for sex with a sexy young filly!  The poor bastards!

Into the 20s- the discovery continues:

“I never really had an orgasm until I slept with Joe.”

Uh-oh, how many of us have said that before?  Most women do not learn how to actually enjoy sex for some time.  They are so caught up in how they look, smell, feel, and are performing that they don’t have any thought left to truly experiencing the ‘now’.  How could we be so self conscious?  At this age it is clearly not “all about me!” it is still about them.  Silly girls!

“I don’t want to seem whorish, but I slept with three guys in two weeks!”

Still, they are seeking reassurance from other women in search of their own moral fibers.  Why is it up to everyone else to determine who we are and whether or not our actions are appropriate?  Usually, it is not until our 30s that we are comfortable with ourselves: our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, and our actions.

“Tell me what to do- I really want to rock his world!”

This quote came from a twenty four year-old.  Ah, now that is what I like to see!  A younger woman seeking the wisdom of an older, sexually free and somewhat more mature woman in her prime!  It is refreshing to see the younger groups ready to open their minds and try new things.

Coming into our own- the 30s & 40s:

This is the era where women are considered to have fully reached their sexual maturity.  We are comfortable enough to get what we want out of life, and out of the bedroom.  If the man isn’t doing it right, we are more than willing to “take matters into our own hands” or toys for that matter.  Men love this about women!  Women are now hornier than ever, until live gets in the way.

“We’ve been married for years, the chase is officially over.”

It becomes increasingly important to keep existing relationships fresh and exciting.  Yes, you’ve landed him, you are used to the way he looks and possibly sick of the way he acts.  You know how to push each other’s buttons.  So now what?

Change it up, there are always new things to try and you are in a safe place to do so.  Many women like to try role-playing at this stage, or introduce toys and videos into the picture.  Lotions, creams, lingerie, and hotel rooms can be a load of fun.  Keep the atmosphere dynamic, and keep the both of you feeling good about yourselves.  When you feel sexy, you are sexy.  I also believe that the density of a man’s hard-on correlates directly to how good he feels about himself and his sexual powers!

“I never felt married, until I had children.”

It has been titled Cloitus Interuptus.   The introduction of children into the household completely changes the sex-lives of the parents. In some cases it extinguishes it.  You have a choice to let it happen to you or not.  There is more responsibility in your world, and you are completely exhausted.  There is a total void in privacy.  In the old days, parents shared bedrooms with their children and literally did it right next to them.  Now that this is absolutely socially unacceptable, Mommy and Daddy need to have their ‘nap-time’.  “We would just shut the door and go” reports a sexually active married woman.  Those middle of the day quickies can be exciting and rejuvenating, and even if you are entirely fatigued at night, just think how thoroughly you will sleep after a romp in the sack!

Physical Changes: the 50s:

“Oh my God, I am fifty!”

The number itself makes women at this stage feel uneasy.  The body is changing and the skin is older and tougher.  We are beginning to become uncertain like the younger group.  This time they are concerned with their changing appearance, as well as their residual abilities.  Once they find a way to just “get over themselves” they tend to be able to sort of suck it up and press forward.  There new found confidence is now resting in their ability to rise above anything that is handed to them.  They are all about sheer will, and their self-knowledge is unyielding!  Women are also now able to keep men at arms length if they need to. 

A twenty something year old female may be afraid to call a man of interest, and never be able to do so without the insistence of a dear and controlling friend.  A fifty year-old on the other hand will simply pick up the phone wondering “What the hell do I have to lose, pride?”

Over 50:

“I always loved being a Mom and hated it when my kids had the nerve to grow up and move far away.  It is nice to have a new man in my life.  It is not exciting, but so new and interesting.  He is totally different from any other man I have known and is just fun and sexy as hell.  We have had some very nice times together.  Maybe we could just say I am a late bloomer, but I am loving every minute of this now”.

This excerpt is from a sixty seven year-old women.  Talking to older women about sex is an absolute hoot.  It is uplifting to hear that they still have fires roaring in their bellies.  They talk about the change in attraction.  The big factor at this stage is health.  If a man seems healthy, happy, and energetic, he is considered hot.  Looking at men has also changed.  You scan for the attractive parts now.

“Men’s’ legs tend to stay intact, as does their penis.  Sex isn’t just intercourse anymore, it is companionship and understanding.  It is certainly not as athletic as it was, we could spend hours just enjoying each others touch.  We take breaks when we need to, and naps in the end”.

As people get older their bodies change, their health changes, and their libido fluctuates.  People have to start to pay attention to their heart rates and blood pressure.  Medications also become a part of life and cause changes in the body’s response.  Menopause affects the lining of a woman’s vagina.  It is thinner and dryer, and a problem easily solved with a bottle of warming gel.  There are more obstacles, but more opportunities to explore!

“Peoples’ need to touch never changes”.