Maybe you've read about pheremones in the science section of the newspaper, or heard there was a new perfume being designed for men and women that mimicked these sex-related hormones. But what are pheremones, exactly and why should we want to wear them on our bodies to attract the opposite sex? And would it even work if we did? First let's explore a bit about the intense effect smells can have on our perceptions of others, especially in relation to sex.

Scents, Survival and Memory
Our sense of smell has evolved a lot in the course of human history. We know from archeological evidence that we used to rely upon our sense of smell to survive much more in the past than we do now–we could smell whether water was safe to drink, if food was spoiled or plants were poisonous, or if our mates were fertile or our children were sick, or if a storm was coming soon. Now, we tend to take our sense of smells and its importance in our lives for granted. What if we suddenly could not smell the scent of a lover's skin, or the lavender sachet that permeated our grandmother's house, or our favorite homemade pies cooling on the counter?

Smell and memory are closely linked in the brain, which is why smells can trigger strong experiences of deja vu. We may not be aware of it, but others remember us partially because of how we smell to them, and we remember them for the same reason.

We might respond very strongly to the earthy smell of an old boyfriend's leather jacket, or the scent of his after shave lingering in the bathroom weeks after he's been there, or his skin that smelled faintly of mint, garlic and olive oil because of his job as a prep cook.

The scent of someone we have a sexual or romantic relationship often affects us profoundly, and in fact if we do not find someone's scent appealing we very likely will not want to have an intimate relationship with them. Animals detect the proper time for sexual activity mainly by scent, and humans do this to some extent but we are now largely unaware of it. Experiments have shown that we can in fact detect hormonal activity in the sweat of our fellow humans, and some women find their sense of smell is strongly affected at different times in their menstrual cycle. My own sense of smell gets very acute during ovulation, and I find being in public places with lots of other people or strong smells can be very challenging! Certain smells can make me feel ill at this time, like yeasty bread, or gasoline, or raw chicken. Of course, one reason for this heightened awareness is that the female's body sexual receptivity is at its peak and Mother nature wanted to make sure we could find eligible males by scent alone. (Gosh, it'd be interesting if the rituals of dating were based on this aspect of our biology–I expect it would make things simpler).
 
In western culture, the U.S. in particular, we tend to like to "de-scent" everything. We use harsh chemical household cleaners, we spend millions on deodorant products and mouthwashes to keep our bodies and breath sweet-smelling, and we replace the natural smells of our bodies with artificial laboratory-based perfumes and cosmetics. This means that we don't tend to smell each other in a "true" sense until we are physically intimate with someone, or if we perhaps do some physical activity together, such as jogging or yoga. But we tend to think of the natural odor of sweat, even of clean sweat, as somehow inappropriate in most social situations. Except, of course, those situations which often lead to sexual activity, or, at least, put us in the vicinity of people who may easily become our sexual partners--such as dancing in a club, or going to a rock concert, or rehearsing for a play, or roller-blading in the park

Why Pheremones Aren't Really Sexy
When we're having sex, both men and women often find the smells of their partners arousing: their sweat, their skin, their genitals, their hair, their sexual fluids. Some people find these scents quite intoxicating and one of the most pleasurable aspects of sex. Some people find these scents unpleasant or even repugnant, and these people usually do not enjoy sex in the same uninhibited, unselfconscious way that people who enjoy sexual smells do. Humans release pheremones, which have distinctive odors, during phases of arousal, even mild arousal. This explains why scientists in recent years have allied with perfume manufacturers to try and create a fragrance that mimics human pheremones–the logic is that such a scent could help make people irresistible to one another. And who doesn't want to have an irresistible pull on the imagination of someone we want to go to bed with?
 
The trouble is, the logic of this doesn't work in real life, because we are very social creatures of habit. We have complex rituals around mating behavior. If someone suddenly put a bottle that smelled of semen or vaginal fluid under our noses, far from feeling suddenly aroused we might feel mildly embarrassed. Because the scent is out of context! We want to smell these things when we're in the throes of sexual excitation, not when we're sitting down to order a cup of coffee. Because our mating rituals usually involve some amount of communication, flirting and other behaviors, during which we pick up on subtle cues that tell us whether we have chemistry with someone, the use of scent can also be applied in subtle ways to enhance this mating dance. It's quite possible, too, that employing scent to attract potential lovers might actually speed up this process! Because smells appeal to that ancient, animal part of us that still seeks partners in the ancient way: by scent.
A Rose by Any Other Name...is a Musk Rose
Perhaps not surprisingly, men and women are very different when it comes to what scents they find attractive. Even though both sexes have certain preferences regarding the fragrances they like to scent themselves with, they are also very particular about what scents appeal to them when applied to the opposite sex. Women tend to prefer strong, earthy scents on men, like sandalwood, cedar, vetiver and patchouli. One popular scent combining some of these scents with spices is bay rum, found in old-fashioned shaving products. Burt's Bees makes a great line of Bay Rum products. Some women like very modern fragrances on men, along the lines of designer perfumes like Calvin Klein's CKOne, or Paco Rabanne. Some women prefer a gentler scent, like a pure sandalwood, or something light, like Canoe. Perfume "styles" also come and go like fashions: t-in the 1970s, synthetic musk fragrances were popular for men. The ‘80s were all about strong, signature designer scents. The ‘90s saw an explosion of interest in perfumes with top notes of food and flowers–a nod to the "all natural" and "cruelty-free"revolutions in cosmetics manufacturing. Most men today seem to appreciate the wide range of grooming products available to them and wear scent in subtler ways, like lotions or shave talcs.
 
When buying a scented product for your man, here's two tips:
 
1) Try to sample if on your own skin. If it smells good on you, you will probably like the way it smells on him.

2) See if you can get a product from the fragrance line that is not pure cologne, like soap, talcum powder or deodorant. That way there is no way he can wear too much of it (men are notoriously incapable of recognizing if they have put on too much cologne).   
 
Now, as for your own sweetly-scented self, remember what we said earlier about scent and memory? For women, a scent can become her signature. And many of us want to be remembered in a unique way. How can we find out what smells best on us? Bring a friend with you when you shop at the perfume counter. Try the fragrances which appeal to you and apply them and continue to sniff them over the next several hours to see how they adjust to your skin chemistry. Don't apply more than four different scents (to both front and back of wrist) or your nose may get confused. Most perfumes change subtly when we apply them as they interact with our own bodies, because everyone has different salts and other substances in their skin which interact with the ingredients in perfumes. The more synthetic the perfume, the less likely it will interact with your body chemistry, and thus these scents smell the same on everyone. But a well-made perfume contains natural botanical ingredients that are subtly different on everyone.
 
So how do men like women to smell? Most men when polled or tested in research labs tend to like floral or sweet fragrances on women's skin. Rose, neroli (orange blossom), jasmine, ylang ylang, and gardenia are some of the most common floral notes in perfumes. Many classic women's perfumes are floral in nature, like Joy, White Shoulders, or Chanel No. 5, and most French perfumes use floral bases. Single note floral scents are pure romance, especially rose, gardenia, and lily of the valley (also known as Muguets des Bois, and there may still be a wonderful old-fashioned perfume with this name). Some of these elusive and delicate floral scents are hard to capture without great effort; if you like lilacs, for example, you won't find an essential oil of lilac in any perfume, because its scent cannot be extracted into liquid form, but you can get a handmade solid perfume made with bushels of fresh lilacs from www.highlandlilac.com.
 
Some men like warm, earthy scents like peru balsam (or "amber"), sandalwood or patchouli on women–these notes are common in many contemporary fragrances. Diptyque is a European company that makes natural scented candles and a wonderful line of unique perfumes made from pure essential oils. The fragrances combine essences from flowers, leaves, tree bark, fruits, seeds and grasses to create very rich and complex yet very natural-smelling perfumes. Some of their scents are ideal for both men and women. Like Opone, a woodsy, green perfume made with opoponax, a rare tree resin.
     
Once you choose your signature fragrance, you should use discretion in how much and how often you use it. It can be as individual as you are but it should never overpower others. It should linger lightly in the air only when you have come very near to someone–that's what makes it sexy and intriguing, the fact that people need to be near you to notice it. So apply perfumes with a light touch. You can try "layering" which is popular now as so many perfume companies make different products with the same scent. You can use soap, body lotion and deodorant all with the same scent. You can also lightly scent an item of clothing, such as the collar of a jacket, or a scarf, or gloves (this is what the Victorians used to do, by the way). By letting your signature scent gently permeate your immediate surroundings (that is, your body and your clothing), you don't have to worry that you'll overpower anyone. If you're concerned about this, just ask a trusted friend or co-worker what they think of your new perfume. If they respond they're not sure if they can smell it, invite them to sniff your wrist or handkerchief where you've discreetly applied it.In other words, if they need to get closer to you to smell it, then this means you're not wearing too much. If they immediately respond with any form of enthusiasm (genuine or forced), you might want to wear less.

You may decide you like certain scents on their own (linden flowers, for example, or tuberose) but not many commercial fragrances. The solution for you is to get your own blend made, or make your own scent using essential oils. This is not necessarily hard to do, but the ingredients can be expensive and hard to find. There are a number of companies that specialize in these custom fragrances.  The benefit to making your own perfumes is that you know the ingredients are pure. Sssh.com is soon going to be offering a special signature line of all-natural hand-crafted perfume oils for men and women, so watch for it!
Return to Be A Sex Goddess Menu


To send Dr. Love your comments, please email her at drlove@sssh.com

•

Copyright © 2004 Sssh.Com • All International Rights Reserved
You may not distribute or reprint this article, in whole or in part,
without express permission from Sssh.Com