Dear Renee:

I'm a 22-year-old gay man. I've been in a loving relationship with my partner for over two years. My problem is that my parents think we're only roommates and are constantly introducing me to women, telling me that they'd love for me to find that special woman, settle down with her and give them grandchildren. How do I tell them I'm gay and that "Gary" is my lover? I don't want to hurt them, but I want them to know the truth.

R.W.

Dear R.W.:

Letting your parents know that you are gay is likely to be one of the hardest hurdles you have to overcome. Prejudice concerning gay behavior in our society is changing slowly, but most gay men and lesbian women have a lot of anxiety about the reaction of their parents on learning that their child is gay. Think carefully before telling them; if you think they will become angry and never speak to you again, you would be better off not telling them. If you do decide to tell them and you think one parent would understand while the other may not, you should probably tell the parent who is more understanding first. Some parents have even had suspicions about their child's sexual orientation. Give your parents a chance to get used to the idea that you are gay. You will need to be patient with them, encourage them to ask any questions they may have (being careful not to give them very detailed explanations that may make your and/or them uncomfortable) and be prepared to discuss this with them many times. As society is becoming more and more aware and accepting of same-sex partnerships, so are parents; after all, you are still their child and they will probably always love you.

-Renee Christopher