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Dear Renee,

My fiance and I are 22 years old. Whenever we try to become intimate, I never feel in the mood. I feel that I can never get into sex as often as I should. I think I must have a fixed, negative outlook on sex. Also, I have to have an orgasm with a vibrator. My fiance is very loving, and he tries to pleasure me, but in the end, I resort back to the vibrator. Sometimes I try to use the vibrator during sex, but I often get very frustrated because it rarely works.  Can you help me? Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Negative Outlook MA


Dear Negative Outlook,

Using a vibrator at first is a very good idea. However, you must wean yourself off of a vibrator if you are ever going to feel pleasure during sex with a partner. Start by touching yourself with your fingers to determine what feels good to you. Teach your fiance what you have learned and coach him as he tries these things with you. Eventually you and your fiance may have a pleasurable, loving sexual life together.
I am more concerned with your whole outlook on sex. It seems to me that you will not, or cannot, allow your own sensuality to come to light; there are many reasons why some women do this. You are not alone in this attitude. I suggest that you call your local Mental Health Department and have them refer you to a certified sex therapist. This person can help you discover the reasons that you are having trouble breaking through the negative outlook on sex and can then help you learn to think of sex differently and, eventually, help you learn to enjoy sex with a living partner instead of a mechanical partner.

-Renee Christopher

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Renee reviews every letter she receives however, due to the shear volume, is unable to answer all of them. Thank you for understanding.

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Disclaimer:
Renee is not a licensed or professional counselor. Her advice is based on her personal experiences. If you need professional help, please seek professional counseling.

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