When we first met, it was almost too good to be true.  Constantly, I questioned whether or not this was “real” or not.  Never had I fallen so hard for any man.  Our every date seemed like some sort of cheesy romance novel.  But it worked.  Oh my word had it worked! My body responded uncontrollably to him.  A simple touch, the sound of his voice, even his name would signal my body to work itself into frenzy.  He was amazing!

The first month was like a dream.  We had long, fascinating conversations.  We had earth-shattering sex.  Even when doing rather simple things, we had an enormous amount of fun.  We were the archetypical “perfect couple”.  And then, as quickly as we seemed to fit each other perfectly, as quickly as I fell irreparably in love with him, he was gone.  He left no word of warning.  He was just gone.  Gone from his apartment, gone from his work, all phone numbers disconnected.  I was completely and utterly crushed.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him, or longing for him.  Over and over again, I racked my brain to think about what could have possibly happened to him.  I didn’t presume that I personally could have done anything to send him fleeing away.  I wondered if he was in some kind of trouble.  I was truly worried about him.  And then, exactly one week later, I received a call.

“Hey Baby, how are you”?

This is what I get?  He decided to call after all of this?  He offers a nonchalant phone call after this grand disappearance? My mouth was opened, but I couldn’t find any words to actually speak.

“Miss me yet”? 

Are you fucking kidding me?  Not a word or suggestion, just out of my life, and do I miss you?  Still no words came to articulate. 

“Look, I had to get away a bit; I am going through some things.  But I want you to know that I really love you.  You are and will always be my girl”.

I was furious.  More furious because that damned husky voice still had an effect on me.  My treacherous body responded to him as always, and much to my exasperated chagrin, I began to stammer.

“Wha, what happened”? I muttered unevenly.

“It’s hard to put to words.” 

This was all I was going to receive in regard to an explanation.  He went on cooing me for some time.  What he said exactly, I did not hear.  My mind was reeling.  I was incredibly relieved that he was okay.  I missed him terribly.  I wanted nothing more than to have him call me and want me back.  But I was pissed.

“Don’t worry baby, you’ll here from me soon”.  And before I could say or do anything, he was gone again.

I did not here from him at all.  What I did have were vivid dreams almost every night.  At first, these dreams were memories.  A reminder of times that were wonderful.  Times that I would give almost anything to have back.  Sometimes, I would wake up in tears, wishing he were still with me.  I couldn’t wait to go to sleep so that I could be with him again.  It seemed like the only time that I was happy.

My friends thought that I was nuts.  They wanted me to move on, start over with a new man.  Maybe I could find happiness with someone else.  I did not agree.  There was only one man that I wanted.  Obviously, he has some soul searching to do, but he’ll be back.  Why else would he have called me and tell me that he loved me?

Nights turned into weeks, and still he did not call.  The dreams got more and more intense.  They also seemed more real.  I would be surprised when I would wake up in the morning, and he was not there.  I could feel his breath on me.  I could taste his mouth.  I would swear that I could feel his body during the night.

“I’m back, Baby”. 

I didn’t know how he got there, but I was so happy to have him.  He lowered himself on me gently.  At first he kissed me softly.  I felt like I was actually melting.  His kisses got stronger and stronger, and I captured his mouth over and over again, as if I would never be able to again.  He had his mouth all over me, like he was reclaiming what was his. 

“You taste so good baby.  You will always be mine”. 

I felt like I was drunk.  Now it was my turn to explore, and I took my time.  I made him so incredibly hard, it seemed like he could burst any second.  I got on top of him and moved slowly while I looked at his beautiful face.  The expressions that moved across his face made him even more beautiful.  I looked down at his chiseled body.  He has got to be the hottest man there is!

Suddenly I woke.  He was not there.  There was not even a hint of evidence in the house that he had been there.  It just felt so real.  I thought I was loosing my mind, as I was moving about the house looking for signs that would indicate his presence.  But there were none.  I tried desperately to fall back to sleep to continue the dream.  I could not, and I felt ridiculous for trying.  It was going to be time for me to get up in just over an hour anyway.  I decided that there was no use trying to force the return of wonderland.

The next night, I contemplated the thought of wearing something fetching to bed.  Later I laughed at myself, in my own insanity.  I was going to make the best of these dreams.  I would try not to let them upset me.  I willed myself to think of them like going to the movies.  I could get excited about this “virtual love making”, if I felt like I had some control over it.

I turned around, I could feel a presence behind me.  Could I have fallen asleep already?  If so, let the dreams begin!

 “Hey Baby”, he said.  I was going to control this dream.  Make it mine.

 “Take off my clothes”, I said sternly, “slowly”.

He followed every request I had without a sound.  I liked that he wasn’t talking, it made the dream that much more exotic.  I had him stand still, so that I could get on my knees and look up at him as I took him in my mouth.  He was so magnificent to look at.  His skin was moist with sweat that showed off his muscular physique and his skin was so radiant, he almost glowed.  His skin seemed somehow softer than I had remembered, but this was my dream, we could make adjustments couldn’t we?  I did not rush the work on his phallus.  I didn’t even care if his legs got tired.  Could they in a dream?  I was not getting tired either, of course.  But I could feel, I could see, I could hear, and I could smell.  Do we do that in our dreams?

Damn.  I woke up.  This time, I was wakened by the sound of my alarm clock.  It was time to start the day.  I was exhausted.  I felt like I had not even slept.  I poured myself a cup of coffee and headed into work like a zombie.  No matter what I did, or ate, or drank, I could not get myself to wake up.  Maybe I should take a night off from this childish dreamscape.  Maybe I should listen to my friends and get a real man.

I went to bed hideously early that night.  I could not seem to keep my eyes opened for anything.  Shortly he appeared in my bed, lying sideways beside me with his upper body propped up on his shoulder.

“Hi”, he said playfully. 

“Not tonight”. I replied.  “I have got to actually get some sleep”.

He didn’t leave.  He just stayed there grinning at me like a boy.  I tried to lay my head back down and focus on going back to sleep.  I kept my eyes forced shut, until I had to check.  He was still there.  He was still smiling.  I shut my eyes again, until I felt his hand trace down my arm.  I tried to ignore him.  I could feel him peeling my pants off, but I didn’t move. This is only a dream.  He tried to remove my shirt, but I fought this.  He didn’t force off the shirt.  He continued touching my gingerly.  When again I opened my eyes, his smile widened.  I was amusing him!

“Get the hell out of my dreams”!  I screamed.  But he didn’t move.  He looked hurt and surprised.  “You left me.  I don’t want to think about you, and I don’t want to dream about you.  I need to move on with my life”!

“You will always be my girl Baby”, he responded.

I jumped out of the bed.  As I stood there glaring at him, he got up and worked his way to me carefully.  He crushed his mouth onto mine in his approach, and he pressed his hard naked body against me.  He held my hips against the wall, looked right into my eyes, and he entered me.  He continuously ground into me forcefully, never taking his eyes away.  As usual, my body failed me and I could not stop him.  My emotions ran from bliss, to fear, to anger, and confusion.  I was mad at myself for allowing this.  But was I? That remained unclear.

I woke to a disabling amount of exhaustion.  I called into work, feigning sickness.  I must be sick, after all.  I lay there in bed relentlessly pondering the events of the night.  It had to be a dream.  Again, there was absolutely no evidence in the house that he had been there.  But I was sore this time.  That could NOT be my imagination.  And my pants were off.  Aside from sleep walking, removing my own pants, and finding some object to pleasure myself with, he had to have been inside me.

I started to panic as I considered the possibilities.  Could it be that he is sneaking into my house, finding some way to drug me, and taking advantage of the state that I was in?  I did recall feeling a bit drunk during the course of the dream.  I searched again throughout the house for anything out of place.

After a quick unplanned nap, I called my friend Sara. She thought that I sounded like I was out of my mind, and she was most concerned with the fact that I felt “soreness”.  She offered to stay the night.  I could not turn her down.  I was actually afraid to go to sleep.  There was also some curiosity surrounding whether or not I would continue the “dream” if someone were there.

Sara was good enough to sleep in the same bed with me.  With the new sense of security I fell asleep quickly.  I woke to someone blowing softly in my face.  I opened my eyes quickly.  He smiled, turned quickly on his heels, and ran out of the room instantly.  I sat up and waited.  Sara slept next to me.  I planned to wake her the second he returned.  I waited fifteen minutes until I surrendered to fatigue.

I could feel myself being lifted out of my bed.  I tried to yell to wake Sara, but I could not make a noise.  “What have you done”, I was able to whisper to him.

“Don’t fight it Baby, you are my girl”, he said quietly.

I tried to scream at him.  No sound came out of me.  All I could do was whisper soft words to him.  “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked.

He did not respond.  He removed my clothes.  I could not fight him because I could not move my body.  It was like my body was asleep.  I was paralyzed.  I tried to will my arm to move, but is just rested there.  He took me again, more gently this time.  He never took his eyes away from mine.  I was enraged, although I could not show it.  I tried to force myself to wake up.  I closed my eyes.  I moved my head from side to side.  I felt myself start to waken.  I was able to use my voice to moan loud enough to wake up Sara.  She jumped out of bed and shook me awake.  I gratefully hugged her, as I sat up naked, on the floor.